


The most Frat-less Frat Boy I know

by Niall_Princess_Horan



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Cancer, Mentions of Cancer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-16
Updated: 2019-05-08
Packaged: 2019-08-24 15:03:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 41,791
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16642490
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Niall_Princess_Horan/pseuds/Niall_Princess_Horan
Summary: "I know my own body strength coach, if it gets too much I’ll tell you and sit out-" I plead with him but now he’s having none of it."-I know you do. But I don't think you'll stop, despite your body telling you to. Niall, I'm really sorry to do this, but, I'm pulling you from the team"OrNiall is the least Frat like Frat Boy going.Zayn has his head up his own arse.Louis is essentially his brother.Harry is all sun shines.But Harry and Niall both have secretsBigger than both of them.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm excited for this one!!!

Niall pov

Today starts off as a sick day. After waking up cuddled into Zayn’s arms and having a lazy make out session, he leaves for art class and I grab a quick shower. Louis and I head over to the campus cafe to get a bacon sandwich and coffee before practise. Coach hates us having carbs, but what he doesn’t know, won’t hurt him.  
I cover my bacon sandwich in ketchup whilst Louis opts for mayonnaise. It’s a horrible decision really, but it’s his choice.

We walk over the campus grass and head towards the locker rooms to change. Louis shoves me on the way and I go flying on my arse. He finds it hilarious until I rugby tackle him to the floor and pin him to the soaking wet grass. He’s laughing too much to escape the grip my hands have on his wrists and I’m using my body to pin his to the grass.

“Get off of me you fat oaf!” Louis complains and I put a hand over my heart faking to be hurt by his words.  
“Your words hurt” I take cry and he laughs, using my lighter grip to flip us over so now I’m on my back and he’s giving me a nuggy from the headlock he’s got me in and rubbing his knuckles really hard over my head, messing up my hair and making me whine at him.

“Get off" I laugh but he doesn’t let me go until coach comes over and sees us wrestling on the football pitch in our jeans and jumpers.

“Oi! Ladies? When you’re done wrestling we have a football match to prepare for” he hollers and he both laugh but do let up so we can go get changed.  
“Sorry coach” I laugh as we walk past. He rolls his eyes at us but says no more about it.

We get changed quickly and meet everyone else on the pitch to do laps, kick ups and leg stretches.

“Okay. Captions are, James and Charlie. Pick your teams" coach calls as he looks out amongst our faces.  
“Tommo" Charlie calls and it’s no surprise he’s called first, he's our best player.  
“David" James shouts and David walks over to his team.  
“Nialler" Charlie smirks and I grin at him before running over and diving on him and Louis.

The match is uneventful. We win but that’s no surprise as James is new and picked all the players he thinks are good but aren’t really. They can kick a ball but that’s about it.

I feel it in my knees afterwards though and limp back to the changing rooms to get dressed for my next class. Having said that, my football kit has less mud on it than my actual clothes, thanks to Louis.

“You Okay Ni?” Louis murmurs as he walks with me back to the locker room. My limp is evident now but I’m trying to down play it so coach won’t get worried.  
“Yeah. My knees are sore. The cold weather doesn’t help" I whisper and he nods but drops it, knowing if coach finds out he won’t let me play as many matches as I do.

“Make sure to ice them" he smiles as we get to the locker room. I smile at him and sit on the bench with my legs up and elevated. I sigh as the throbbing finally calms down a little. I change my shirt first, opting to move my legs as little as possible whilst they recover. But once my shirt and jumper are on, I have to change from my joggers to jeans. I sigh but stand up and shimmy the grey joggers down and drop them to the floor.

“Bloody hell! What’s happened to your knees?” James shouts and I frown at him before looking down and realising my knees are swollen to the size of actual football’s. No wonder they hurt so much.  
“Nothin'. They’ll be fine" I mutter and quickly pull my jeans up, with literally the whole football team watching me and staring at my red-ish- purple legs that are swollen and stiff.

“Horan? Come see me when you’re changed” coach calls from where he’s staring at me intently. I sigh but nod and he heads out of the locker room to his office.

I glare at James for ratting on me but he doesn't see the issue with it.  
“Want me to wait for you?” Louis smiles sympathetically and nod at him that I would appreciate that.

“So, what’s the knee story?” coach asks as I enter his office. Louis comes in with me and pats my back as if to say ‘Just tell him’.  
“My knees dislocate. I wasn’t born with the little bowl thing they sit in and it means they can dislocate. But I’m fine to play! I was just a bit cold today. I have knee supports to keep my knees warm and I’ll wear them for every game and practice till I die!”  
“I don’t think sport is a great idea with your knee problems. You’ll make them worse" he argues but I’m having none of it.

"I know my own body strength coach, if it gets too much I’ll tell you and sit out-" I plead with him but now he’s having none of it.

"-I know you do. But I don't think you'll stop, despite your body telling you to. Niall, I'm really sorry to do this, but, I'm pulling you from the team"  
“Don’t” Louis whispers to him.  
"No! Coach please. Please? Please, you can't do this!" I go for a louder approach and shout at him.

"I'm sorry. But maybe, someday, you'll realise that I've done it with your best interest at heart".  
“Fuck my interests! Keep me on the team. I’m a good player! I work hard. I’ve worked so hard every day since I was 10 years old to get this scholar-ship! You can’t pull me for something I have no control over" I argue but his mind is made up.

“I’m sorry Niall. But you’re off the team. I need football players I can rely on-"  
“-You can rely on me! I-"  
“-Come on coach!” Louis tries to reason.

“-Ones without previous medical history. Niall, this is more for you than it is for the team. You playing sports everyday will only make them worse. I don’t want you crippled at the age of 30 because I didn’t put your health first" he argues.

“No, you just want to win the league and see me as a hindrance more than an asset. Well let me tell you something, I am an asset to this team and you’re making the biggest mistake of your life by dropping me" I warn him but he just sighs at me.

“Well that's a mistake I’m willing to live with. Your health comes first. You're out" he says firmly.  
“I hate you” I glare at him and he just rolls his eyes at me before handing me a brochure.  
“You're off the sports programme. Pick a new Major" he mutters before walking to the door and holding it open for us.

I throw the brochure on the desk and storm out with Louis following me. When he meets me outside, he's picked up the booklet and smiles sadly at me.  
“What now?” Louis asks carefully and I just glare at the floor, rage and anger building up inside of me.  
“I’m off to get wasted" I mutter before storming out.

 

“Niall? Niall? Niall! Wait up will you! You can’t do this! It’s 11:30am! You can’t get drunk at this time" Louis protests as he catches up to me. I’m not walking very fast as my legs are still swollen and in agony so he catches me with in a few seconds.

“Says who?” I challenge.  
“Says me. And the law. You’re 17 you won’t get served anywhere”  
“I have beer at home that Zayn got me" I laugh dryly and head to my dorm room.

“This won’t solve anything. Come on mate. Let’s look at other majors together or go get some tea and cake, that cheers you up!”  
“No Louis. My life has fallen apart and I want to get drunk and forget everything because it’s better than beating the shit out of James or coach!” I snap and walk off. This time, he doesn’t follow me.

 

Three hours later I’ve drank half a bottle of Whiskey and 6 beers and I feel a bit better. I call Zayn but he doesn’t answer so I pout and decide to go see him at his class, maybe I can convince him to skip and we can go do something fun together.

I drunkenly walk across campus, getting a few stares from people, probably wondering why I’m plastered at 2 in the afternoon but I don’t care. I’m glad I have a copy of Zayn’s timetable so I know he’s in art and head over to find him.

“Niall? Are you okay mate?” someone asks from behind me and I sigh because I can’t place the voice so now I have to turn around to see who it is and – Oh god- spun too fast. I gip slightly as the feeling of vomit rises up my chest and into my throat.

 

“Niall? It’s Liam? We're in English together” the voice repeats and ah yes. Liam Payne. He’s a great guy.  
“ ‘M gon’ be sick" I gip as another wave of nausea hits me and I cover my mouth with my hand just in case.  
“Come on, come with me" he says kindly and leads me to the nearest bathroom where I only just make it to empty the contents of my stomache in one of the hand sinks. Classy.

“Bleggggh"  
“It’s okay mate. Jeez! How much have you drunk?” Liam says as he rubs my back gently as I vomit into the porcelain skin.  
“Dunno- Bleggggh. Oh god" I groan and bury my face into my arm.  
“You can’t be walking around campus drunk. For starters you’re under age” Liam stresses and just groan at him.

“I know- okay -Bleggggh”  
“Okay mate. Let’s get you back to your room" Liam says calmly and I nod my head slightly to agree, I probably should sleep it off.

Liam lays my arm over his shoulder and is pretty much carrying me back to my dorm as my legs are tired and me head hurts and I feel a bit nauseous again.  
“Wait! Where’s Zayn? He was going to- to cuddle me better” I protest as Liam leads me to the bottom of the stairs heading out of the art building.

 

“Zayn is in class. Come on, you can see him later when you’re sober” Liam tells me but I don’t want to do that so I pull away from him and head towards Zayn’s class room. I knock a few times on the door before peaking my head in and giggling at the teacher who looks pissed off and it only makes me giggle more.

“Zayn! Wanna skip class?” I whisper- shout to Zayn as I let myself into the class room and wrap my arms around my gorgeous boyfriend.  
“No! Niall, what are you- are you drunk?” He snaps and shrugs my arms off of him. I giggle at his grumpy looking face and kiss his cheek sloppily. He just glares at me and tells me to leave.  
“Go home. We'll talk about this later” he snaps and I frown. I wanna cuddle now!

“Bu-but- I need you” I pout.  
“And we're being given a speech from potential employers!” He snaps and I frown but when I look around I notice there are some formal looking people with clipboards in suits that look pissed too.  
“Oh, okay. Wanna go to mine and I’ll blow you?” I grin and his face goes bright red as he snaps at me to get out and go away.

“No Niall” he snaps.  
“Zayn, who is this boy?” one of the stuck up men asks and I grin at him before pressing another sloppy kiss to his face and then neck.  
“He’s j-just a mate"  
“Mate? ‘scuse me. More like boyfriend of t’ree years" I scoff.

“Zayn. Why don’t you take him home and join the last part of the speech" one of the ladies says and I grin at that trying to pull Zayn with me to my room.  
“No. No thank you. He can find his own way home" Zayn snaps and shoves me towards the door.

“Z-Zayn-" I whimper.

“- Go away Niall. God you’re so embarrassing. Such a stupid little Frat boy with no goals and no standards" he snaps and I pout at that but stumble out of the room and collide with another body before crashing to the floor.

 

 

Harry pov

 

I’m pissed as hell when a body collides with mine and then it’s amusing as he decks it and is sat on the floor looking like a lost puppy. I then worried I’ve hurt him as he vomits all over himself. Three times.  
“Shit! You okay mate?” I mumble and crouch down to see he’s okay. The thought was there but the smell of vomit is vile and I have to stand back up before I throw up myself.

“My boyfriend is mad at me" he slurs and now it makes more sense. He’s drunk. No wait. That makes less sense as he’s around 16/17 years old and why the hell is a child drunk?

“Why is he mad at you?” I ask gently and place my hands under his armpits to hoist him up to his feet.  
“I offered him a blowy" he pouts and then turns to pout at me and I can’t help but coo at his adorable little face.

“Why wouldn’t be happy at that? Are you bad at blow jobs?” I ask with the straightest face I can.  
“No! I’m really good at them! Honest" he giggles and I chuckle before telling him I’ll get him back to his dorm.

I bump into Liam on the way and he informs me the blonde hair boy is called Niall and he’s part of the Alpha Frat house, meaning I head over to that dorm and am beyond grateful one of his frat friends are in so they can let us in. Only down side is, Elliot goes out meaning I have to look after blondie. Well I don’t have to and I’m aware of that, but considering he’s vomited all over himself again, I decide to help him clean up and get him to bed. Which is a great plan, even if he does throw up on my shoes.

“Okay bud, take these and drink this water" I smile as I get him sat on the edge of his bed. I hand over two pain killers and a cup of water to wash them down. He takes them without protest and sighs to himself.  
“So what made you day drink?” I ask carefully as he reaches down to take his shoes off. How have I only just noticed they’re odd? Ah well. He topples forwards and I grab his arm to stop him falling off of the bed. He giggles and It causes me to chuckle a little as I pull his legs onto the bed to take his shoes off for him.

“I’m a sports major who’s been kicked off the programme cos I have bad knees" he grumbles and my heart goes out to him. It’s hard to get into the sports programme in the first place, never mind to be kicked off for something he has no control over.  
“I’m sorry mate. That actually sucks” I frown.  
“S'kay. I’ll live" he sighs and flops onto his back then shuffles over and pats the bed. I sit down but don’t get close to him. He’s vulnerable and emotional at the moment. Not to mention drunk and in a relationship.  
“So what are you going to do?”

“Drop out. Get a job” he shrugs but I can tell he doesn’t want to and does actually want to succeed in college.  
“You don't sound like it’s what you want"  
“I don’t. I was looking forward to being a sports coach or playing professionally. But I’m just a stupid little frat boy with no goals and no standards” he sighs and I frown even more.

“Who told you that?”

“My boyfriend” he mutters and I frown at him with sympathy. I glance at his little face and notice he’s practically asleep. I smile a little at him before leaving his room.

I grab him some more meds and another glass of water and leave them on his bedside table. I notice he’s striped to his boxers and cover him over with a duvet from the other bed in the room before going to my history class.

 

Niall pov

When I wake up my head is pounding, my throat is the Sahara desert and I feel nauseous again.  
“Ugh my head" I grumble into the pillow. I hear Louis laugh from the other side of the room and growl at him.

“Don’t growl at me kiddo. Come on, get up. We have to find you a new major" Louis smiles and pulls the duvet off of me.

“Ugh! Cold" I whine and reach blindly for the duvet. He laughs and I know from previous experience he’s throw it on the floor. He then rubs my hair ridiculously hard and I whine at him.

“Come on. There’s a bacon sandwich and coffee down stairs for you" he laughs as I roll out of bed. I flop onto my belly and then lazily stand up before making my way to the kitchen for food. Big mistake. As soon as the smell of food hits me I run to the bathroom and vomit, but this time it goes in the toilet and not the sink.

Surprisingly I feel better. Enough so that I’m able to eat the bacon sandwich and three coffees before going to see a careers advisor with Louis to figure out my future.

 

The event is loud and full of colour and people spouting about why I should do this and why I should do that. It’s a complete waste of my time.

“Well that was a waste of time" I grunt as I order a large coffee at the coffee shop to wake me up.  
“I know. I’m sorry mate. We'll figure something out" Louis sighs and I sigh also.

“I’m sorry Lou. Thank you so much for coming with me” I say honestly. I really appreciate him helping me. Especially considering he’s the only person in the frat house that still talks to me after being kicked off of the team.

“Hey, you’re a brother to me Niall. Believe it or not but I take our fraternity seriously. I love you man"  
“Love you too Louis” I whisper and he ruffles my hair gently and we head back to be dorm.  
“We have physical- um- you- you have physical” I say abruptly as I remember what time it is.

“I know but you need me-"  
“- No I’ll be okay. Seriously, you’ve done enough. Go and um- score a goal or something for me" I whisper and he smiles sadly, kisses my cheek and leaves with great reluctance.

 

“Oi! Think we should talk. Don’t you, babe” Zayn snaps sarcastically from across the field. I turn and face him with a sigh. I know I need to apologise to him. What I did was out of order.

“Hey, Zee. I was coming to find you, so we could talk” I whisper quietly as he’s standing in front of me with the biggest glare I’ve ever seen in my life.

“Oh really?! Is that before or after you lose me another potential job?” He roars and shoves me backwards slightly. It takes me a little (a lot) by surprise and I stumble backwards into a group of passing people, one of them being the boy who helped me to my dorm yesterday. I don’t know his name but he catches me and scans my face asking if I’m okay as he stands me upright.

I smile at him softly and turn to face Zayn.  
“Zayn I'm sorry about that. Please! Let me make it up to you” I beg but he just scoffs at me.  
“You’re sorry? We aren’t in school anymore Niall-"  
“-I know that-" I whisper but he cuts me off.  
“-Do you? This isn’t a play ground! This is the real world. With jobs and work and making a living-"

“-I know that-" i defend again but he just scoffs at me and cuts me off once again.  
“- This isn’t a game! You humiliated me in front of potential employers and my class mates. You embarrassed yourself and why the fuck are you getting drunk at 2pm?”

“I just- I wasn’t thinking straight-"  
“-You offered to blow me, in front of my whole class!” He shouts and I look at the floor as everyone near by us stares.

“I’m really sorry. I love you Zayn and I’m sorry"  
“So sorry you went home with another boy? Holly saw you talking Harry Styles back to your room-"

“-Wow! Wow wow ! Nothing happened. He didn’t take me anywhere. I took him back because he was drunk and I wanted to make sure he got home safe” the boy from last night defends and I turn around realising he waited to make sure the situation was okay. At least I now know his name. Harry Styles. Suits him.

“And I’m supposed to believe that? He’s a frat boy!! All he does is get drunk and whore off with anything that moves-“ Zayn shouts.

“-That’s not true-" I snap back, tears glazing my eyes at the thought that that is what he actually thinks of me.  
“You’re a stupid little frat boy with no goals and no-"  
”-Standards. Yeah I remember your speech from last night” I mutter as the tears finally start falling.  
“Well? You are a frat boy-"

“-Not anymore. I got kicked off because of my knees. Have to find a new major. That’s what I wanted to talk to you about! That’s why I needed you!” I cry, tears now pouring down by face but for the first time in my life, I don’t care that people are seeing me cry. I don’t have the fight to hide them anymore.

“Well you left with him!” He snaps.  
“For the last time, nothing happened! I didn't even know his name until 3 minutes ago" I mutter in utter disbelief.  
“Because you don’t need his name to fuck him-"  
“-I didn’t fuck him!  
“Oh? Did he fuck you? I bet you begged for it like the pathetic little slut you are!”  
“Hey! Leave him alone" Harry snaps and I smile politely at him for defending me, but it’s not his battle.

“Won’t put out to me because you’re fucking anything that moves-"  
“-I'm still a virgin! That’s why I haven’t slept with you! We got together when I was 14 and I haven’t slept with anyone! The only person I’ve ever done anything sexual with, is you!!” I scream at him.

A few people around me snicker and cackle at the thought of a 17 year old being a virgin but I don’t care. Zayn knew before this that I was a virgin, I shouldn’t have had to justify myself to anyone. Never mind someone who apparently loves me.

“Whatever. I’m done Niall” he scoffs and walks off, not a tear in his eye.

“Please don’t Zee" I whimper but it falls on deaf ears and he ignores me.

 

I continue to glare at the back of his head before Louis pulls me into a bone crushing cuddle, wrapping his arms tightly around me and burying my face into his neck and shoulder.

“I don’t- I don’t want to lose him" I whimper and Louis coos at me, rubbing some hair out of my face and gently kissing the top of my head as I completely breakdown in his arms.

“Hey? Louis, is it? Why don’t we get him back to a room so he can have some alone time?” Harry offers and I feel Louis nod before gently guiding me somewhere.

I don’t know where.

I just keep my face buried in Louis neck and cry my eyes out.


	2. Chapter 2

Louis pov

My heart is officially shattering for Niall. So much to the point, I don’t know whether to comfort him or beat the shit out of Zayn. I knew he was never good enough for Niall. I fucking knew it. But I supported them because it’s what Niall wanted and he was happy, which is all I’ve ever wanted for him. But now I just keep thinking that I knew this would happen and I should have prevented it. But I didn’t. What kind of friend does that? What kind of friend does that make me?

“Come on Nialler. Let’s get you home" I hum in his ear as I guide him back to our dorm room. He hasn’t moved his face from my neck and I can feel the snot and tears on my skin and know he’s still crying. He’s putting his total and complete trust in me to guide him somewhere safe and god help me that’s what I will do for him. I would do anything for this boy. He’s literally my little brother in every aspect baring biology.

“I- I feel like such a- an idiot" he whimpers and I have to stop myself from crying with him. He sounds so broken and lost. Like he doesn’t have any fight left in him. And that thought scares me. All Niall has done his whole life, is fight for what he wants and fight for what he believes in. He’s never had it easy. Never had anything handed to him on a plate. So for him to give up, is terrifying.

“You aren’t an idiot babe. You love him and you wanted things to work out. Yesterday and today have been really shit days. But, me and Harry will get you home safe and get you revitalised as yourself. You’re just a bit lost is all babe" I soothe and Harry cards his fingers through Nialls hair gently as he gives me a sad smile. He’s thinking the same thing I am: why would anyone hurt Niall? He’s such an innocent little babe. But aside from that, he’s actually a really nice guy. Genuine and honest and kind to everyone regardless of physical features such as race and religion and regardless of wealth and status.

Harry and I get Niall back to our dorm building, Harry opening the doors as I’m practically carrying Niall, and I get him sat on the couch in our common room. Harry gets Niall some tissues from the bathroom for his face and nose whilst I make him a cup of tea.

“This is a big dorm” Harry mumbles.  
“Yeah. There’s 8 of us that live here” I shrug, placing the tea down in front of Niall.  
“Do you all have your own room? Sorry! Sorry! I’ve never been in a frat house before. Just being nosey. Ignore me" he stutters and I chuckle a little before answering his questions.

“There are 6 rooms. We couldn't choose who got their own and who had to share so, we decided to have 2 of us in each room with 2 rooms spare. That way, if one of us has a partner over for the night, they get some privacy” I explain and I see his eyes shifting as he makes sense of it.

“That makes sense” he smiles softly as he sits down next to Niall.

“Yah two can go. I won’t be good com’any” Niall mutters and I shake my head telling him that’s not happening. I do offer Harry to leave if he has stuff to do but he says it isn't as important as making sure Niall’s okay.  
“We aren’t leaving you babe. Now, do you wanna play Fifa? Or watch a film maybe?” I ask carefully.

“I dunno" he cries and I coo at him again, pulling him into my arms, so I'm sat on the couch with him on my knee, legs up over Harry’s knees and face buried into my chest.

 

“Why don’t I run you a nice bubble bath?” Harry offers and we both look at him like he has 4 heads. We don’t own any bubbles. This is a frat house, not a pamper parlour.

“We don’t own any bubbles” I scoff and he looks appalled that that’s the case.  
“What? They’re amazing! So relaxing and calming. Really good for your aura and sense of mental state" he grins and I feel Niall lift his head up to frown at Harry. He wipes his fist over his eye sleepily and reminds me of a small toddler.  
“D' yah t’ink it will ‘elp?” he asks quietly, Irish accent coming out stronger due to his emotional state.

“I honestly do" Harry smiles and Niall nods softly asking for the bubbles.  
“5 minutes, okay? Drink your tea and have a cuddle with Louis. I won’t be long” he smiles before leaving through the front door.  
“He’s a bit odd. Nice though" Niall murmurs and I chuckle but agree he’s a bit strange.  
Niall sips his tea whilst we wait for Harry and sure enough, less than 10 minutes later, he’s back, armed with two bags of supplies.

“Okay, you wait here and I’ll get it set up for you. 10 more minutes, okay?” He asks Niall kindly, who nods with a little smile. I can tell he’s nervous and optimistic about this working. But Niall has always been willing to try anything once.

 

10 minutes pass and Harry comes out of the bathroom and grabs Nialls hand gently, pulling him to his feet. He takes the cup off of him and places it on the coffee table before leading Niall to the bathroom. Or so I thought. No. He’s leading Niall to our bedroom. What?

I follow them to see what’s going on.

 

Niall pov

“Okay Mr Niall, you have been booked in for the exclusive VIP spa day, courtesy of yours truly. Now, please dis-robe and get comfortable in this. I will be back in moment” Harry says politely and hands me a really fluffy dressing gown that I know for a fact, none of us own.  
“Dis-robe?” I frown and he smiles gently at me.  
“Get undressed and into the robe" he smiles before going into the bathroom.

I sigh but do as he says, frowning at Louis who shrugs at me. I pull off my jeans, shirt and socks before wondering how naked I need to be and whether I can leave my boxers on. I chance it and just take them off before pulling on the robe. Oh god this is so fluffy and warm. I feel like I’m wrapped inside a cloud.

 

“Are you done?” Harry calls through the door and I smile a little as I nod. Louis laughs, reminding me he can’t see me so I shout “Yeah" and he comes in.  
“Okay, take a seat on the relaxation bed and close your eyes” he says, guiding me over to my bed, which has been made and has a few lit, vanilla scented candles near it on the bedside table.  
“O-Okay" I whisper, getting on to the bed and laying on my back.

“Relax, I know what I’m doing” he smiles and I just give him a shaky smile back. I don’t doubt that he knows what he’s doing. I’m just nervous and also trying to keep tears at bay from remembering the hurtful things Zayn has said.  
“Now, do you want a relaxing face mask, a revitalizing one, a de-stressing one, a re-lifting one or a chocolate mud mask?”

“Um- you choose" I mumble, not thrilled about being put in a face mask. But who knows, maybe I’ll like it. Harry certainly doesn’t seem phased about a boy wearing a face mask, mind you, they are so obviously his.

“Louis, why don’t you wear one too? Make him feel a bit comfier?” Harry suggests and the thought makes me laugh at the image of Louis in a bright orange face mask.

“Yeah, sure” Louis shrugs and he shoves me, making me move over on my bed so he can lay next to me. He holds my hand and squeezes it gently but doesn’t let go. We face each other and he gives me a gentle smile and another hand squeeze.

“You aren’t alone, Nialler. I’ve got you. I’ve always got you”

 

A moment later I feel Harry spread a cold liquid around my face and try my hardest to stay relaxed. It smells like melons and kiwi fruit which is quite nice and I can feel it sinking into my skin and surprisingly, I start to feel calmer. I sigh softly as he finishes (avoiding my eyes/ nose and mouth) and I’m assuming he’s doing Louis face mask now. He then lays something over each of my eyes and whispers “it's just cucumber” and not to panic.

I’m not sure how long we lay here. On our backs, in silence with face masks on and holding hands but we do and it’s so peaceful. There’s a soft piano instrumental playing in the background quietly and it really sets the scene.

 

“Okay, it’s just me. Your bath is ready" Harry says quietly a while later and then removes the cucumber. I open my eyes lazily at him as I’m pretty sure I dozed off for 5 minutes. When I sit up I notice Louis is now sat on his bed playing on his phone, red face mask set on his face ready to peel off.  
“How are you feeling?” Harry.  
“Better actually. More relaxed” I smile and he helps me up then guides me to the bathroom.

Once I enter the bathroom I have to do a double take at the effort he’s put into this. He barely knows me!!  
There is a lovely hot bubble bath run, with blue bath fizzers in the water, already fizzing. He’s put some more candles around the edge of the tub, this time strawberry scented. There are rose petals on the floor leading up to the tub and some in the tub. He’s brought one of the bedside tables in and I have a cup of tea resting on it.

“Harry? You did all of this for me? You barely know me" I whisper.  
“So? I consider us friends and I don’t want you to be sad, so, if I can cheer you up, I want to" he smiles and then tells me it gets better. He then opens the cupboard to the bedside table and reveals a plate full of chopped fruit containing, apples, grapes, strawberries, bananas and oranges, along with a bowl of melted chocolate and a fork.

“So, you get in and relax and take as long as you need to become you again”  
“Why don’t you join me? Not in the bath! I mean, like, you could have some of the fruit and- and the chocolate” I stutter and he smiles before taking a seat on the floor next to the bath and helping himself to a grape.

I giggle before taking off the robe (trying not to feel self conscious) hanging it on the peg we have and sliding into the luxurious hot water. When I look at harry, he's turned his head away, giving me the privacy to get into the water.

“We need to take that face mask off soon" Harry murmurs as we sit in a comfortable silence, eating chocolate covered fruit and relaxing.  
“Do it now, if you want” I shrug and he nods, crawls over to the edge of the tub and kneels up. The then starts carefully pulling the face mask off. Once it’s fully off he smiles at me and disposes of the mask in he bin, settles down and eats chocolate again.

 

“Hey Nialler, um- Zayn’s here" Louis calls through the door as he taps on it lightly.  
“Oh? Um- give -give me a minute" I stutter. Harry smiles at me softly and hands me my bathrobe. He turns around whilst I get the robe on and opens the door to leave. He quickly shuts it, causing me to jump a little.  
“What’s wrong?” I whisper.  
“He’s stood there being shouted at by Louis. Don’t want him to get the wrong idea" Harry mumbles and moves to stand behind the door. I smile at him softly and leave the bathroom to face my boy- ex boyfriend.

“Zayn? What- what are you doing here?” I sigh and head into my bedroom, away from the bathroom.  
“I came to see you. Thought we should talk properly” he mutters as I sit on my bed. Zayn looks at the bag of supplies on Louis bed, that Harry brought and raises an eyebrow questioningly at me.  
“Didn’t know you owned a bathrobe?”  
“I don’t. Harry brought it over with some bath supplies for me to relax a bit” I shrug.

“Oh? So you’re getting close with Harry then" he accuses.  
“Not like that. He’s just been looking out for me. Making sure I’m okay" I defend and Zayn just rolls his eyes at me.  
“Okay. Whatever. So, I think I should get my stuff. I packed yours from mine, it’s over there" he mutters and points to a duffel bag next to my bed.  
“I thought you wanted to talk?” I complain and he sighs.

“I did. But, I dunno Niall. I don’t trust you so I can’t be with you. I’m sorry”  
“But I love you. I don’t want to lose you-"  
“-I don’t care. Look, just- just let me pack yeah?” He murmurs and starts rifling through my draws and cupboards to find his stuff. I sigh but just let him get on with it and perch on the edge of my bed waiting for him to finish.

“Cool. That’s sorted. I’ll be off. Oh, Niall? I’m short on my wage this week, you know that £200 I lent you? Could you reimburse me? By Friday should be fine" he mutters once he’s packed. And the stress is back.

“It’s Wednesday now! Where do you expect me to get £200 In two days?”  
“I dunno. Wherever” he shrugs again and leaves.

 

Wednesday comes and goes. I spend the day in bed.

 

Thursday comes and goes. I spend the day, once again, in bed.

 

Friday comes and goes. Once again, with me in bed.

 

It’s when Saturday rolls round that Louis tries to coax me out of bed and motivate me to do something with my life.

“Come on Niall-"  
“-If I leave the house I have to give him the £200 he leant me for my mum’s birthday present. And I don’t have the money-"  
“-I'll lend you it-"  
“-Then I still have to pay you back!”  
“Yeah. But I’m not giving you a financial deadline that you can’t meet" he argues.

“Are you sure you won’t be short?”

“Course not mate. I have plenty in savings. Give me it back when you can" he smiles and heads over to his Xbox game case that he keeps his money in. I know where he keeps his money but have never taken a single penny. I know the other guys in the frat house are the same. He always keeps an emergency stash of money in there, usually around £500.

“Thank you Louis. I’ll pay back every penny” I whisper as he hands over the £200.  
“I know mate. Whenever you have it. No rush. Now, let’s see about your future” he prompts and pulls me out of bed. I groan in protest but it's Louis Tomlinson and if he wants something, he gets it. Meaning I get out of bed.

 

Since I haven’t showered in 4 days I start with a shower and pull on some black skinny jeans, a white shirt and a purple jumper along with my white Supras. I look like a miss-matched mess but at least I’m out of bed. Which gets Louis off of my back.

We head to another careers fair so I can get some ideas and I feel a little more positive about some things I could major in. When we're done, we bump into Harry on the way to get food and he tags along with us.

“So, decided on your new major?”  
“Nope. What do you major in?” I ask as we get seated at the local cafe. We all order coffee and bacon sandwiches from the waitress.  
“Psychology. Looking to become a criminal psychologist, working along side the police to create a profile or potential suspects" he smiles as the coffees are set on the table.  
“Wow! So Like, tall, black hair type?”

“No more like, we're looking for someone with emotional attachment issues, possibly adopted or spent time in the care system. Regular outbursts or anger or irritation- that sort of thing. Basically, focusing on their psychological profiles rather than their physical ones” he laughs.  
“Wow! That sounds so cool" I grin at him and he gives me a cheeky smile before covering his bacon sandwich in ketchup. Aaaahhhh. A man after my own heart. Wait. What?

After that Louis and Harry go with me to see Zayn and refund him the money I borrowed. Seeing him in his beanie and glasses with his hair in a perfect quiff and comic book in hand, sparks up all my feelings for him once again and I'm reminded how much I love him. I know I need him. Louis grabs my arm gently when I make to move forward and kiss him. But I shrug him off. I get my hands either side of Zayn’s cheeks, holding his head and lean in to kiss him. He pulls away. Moving my hands from his chizzled cheek bones and drops them to my sides. I make to cuddle him but Harry places his hand on the small of my back and shakes his head at me when I look at him.

“How many scars will you justify because you love the person holding the knife?” He asks quietly and sigh quietly, use all of my strength and walk away from Zayn.

 

I walk away and don't look back.

 

Even though I love him.

 

 

So after careful consideration (and an angry phone call from my mother) I have made the executive decision not to drop out of college. I have also decided to make my minor my new major and not have a minor. Meaning my new major is in sound and music engineering.

The only down side being we're 2 months into the year meaning I have 2 months worth of additional work to catch up on before I can even start attending classes full time. As the content is in a lot more depth as a major than a minor.

 

 

*3 months later*

“Ugh I’ve had such a long day. I just want to fall into bed and sleep for a week" I complain as I enter our common room. Louis and Elliot laugh from where they’re playing poker on the couch but at least the boys decided not to kick me out of the fraternity despite not being a sports major. And most of them still talk to me. It’s only Michael that doesn’t speak to me anymore. But I don’t actually mind.

“Go raid Harry's face masks" Elliot smirks and I laugh but do actually follow his advice, head to my room and help my self to Harry’s supply, laughing at the memory of the boys finding out i wear face masks. Elliot walked into my room a few weeks ago whilst I was laid in bed in a face mask and I haven’t lived it down since. Especially since he told all the other boys. So they tease the fuck out of me, but it’s all in good fun, so I don’t mind.

 

I lay in bed and cover my face with a mint face mask before sending Harry a Snap-Chat of me pouting towards the camera. The caption being ‘I stole a face mask , hope you don’t mind .’  
I get one back a minute later of him smirking, with his caption saying he won’t hold it against me.

 

After my life being tipped upside down, Harry has surprisingly become a large part of both mine and Louis life and it’s not uncommon for him to come round to the frat house or for me to go over to his dorm room for both studying help and socialising purposes.

 

I’m on a night shift at work, stacking shelves at Asda, when I get a text from Zayn. It’s the first one he’s sent me since breaking up with me 4 months ago.

22:03 From: Zayn  
I’m sorry for everything. Can we talk?

22:14 To: Zayn  
Sure , cn text. M at wrk

22:22 From: Zayn  
As I sed. I sorry. Hada lot on wiv college work. I miss you

22:25 To: Zayn  
I miss you too

22:34 From: Zayn  
I love you.  
Do you still love me?

22:37 To: Zayn  
Yeah, I do still love you Zayn. Part of me thinks I always will

22:43 From: Zayn  
Can we try again?

 

That question throws me. Two months ago I’d have jumped on him in a heart beat and taken him back without question. But now? I don’t know. I love him. I know I love him. I’ve been in love with him for three years and can’t just switch off my feelings and emotions. But ,he hurt me. He hurt me more than words can describe.

How many scars WILL I justify because I loved the person holding the knife?

I know I’ll be fine eventually. I know things will work themselves out and that what’s meant to be will be but I’m conflicted as to whether this, me and Zayn being together, is the best outcome. The best thing for everyone.

But I love him.

But he left me. And as dramatic as it sounds, it feels as though he ripped out a piece of my heart. I thought I had glued myself back together and then a photo of us popped up on my Facebook timeline and I broke all over again. The once mending cracks, now as visible as the day he originally made them. Because actions speak as loud as words and his words cut as deep as any knife ever could. But you don't give up on the ones you love.

It’s hard. Realising I wasn’t as important to him as I thought I was. Because how could he be fine, if I did nothing but fall apart? Clearly I didn't mean as much to him as I thought I did. And I obviously didn’t mean as much to him as he did to me. No one can or will understand my love for Zayn Malik. Not even me.

Do I miss him?  
Simple answer: Yes. 

I miss the person I fell in love with. But not the person he is now. The boy he has turned into, is not the person I once knew. He's a completely different person now. One I don't even recognise. I don't know what made him change (part of me wonders if I'll ever know) but I held on for months, hoping Zayn would still be there, but there's only so much one person can hold on for, before giving up.

I'm quite sure that the real Zayn isn't coming back anyway. I gave him my best and it wasn't good enough and that's fine. That's really fine. I'm moving on now, but I’ll always be in love with the person he use to be, the person I fell in love with all those years ago.

Part of me is disappointed that he changed, but I'm not disappointed in him. I'm disappointed in myself for believing him when he promised to stay, when he promised he wouldn't change and would be the boy I fell in love with at 14 years old.

I’m still in love with him.

It's all the little things about him that I miss. When I reminisce, I remember all of the small details about him, and I remember the moment I first learnt each part of him. The moment I first learnt how he sleeps and his morning routine, the way he cuts onions with his eyes closed and only eats tomatoes whole. The fact he has milk in his tea, but not in his coffee. I remember it all and it makes me fall in love with him all over again.

But, I don't think Zayn is right for me. I want to fall in love with someone who wants to know my favourite colour and how I like my coffee. Of course I do, but I also want someone who loves the way I laugh and would do anything to hear it. Someone who puts their head on my chest, just to hear and feel the comfort of my heart beat. Someone who makes me question why I was ever afraid the fall in love in the first place. Someone who would never intentionally hurt me and who loves me with all of my flaws and thinks I'm perfect just the way I am. But I don't think that is Zayn. Not anymore. As he said, this isn't a play ground anymore. So why is he acting like a child?

I used to believe in forever. But forever is too good to be true. But he's still all over me like a wine stained T shirt I can't wear anymore. I love him. I'm addicted to the way he makes my feel. Not sexually, but the way he makes my heart beat faster in my chest when I see him and the way I get tongue tied around him, making me unable to form coherent sentences.

I still love him.

Maybe one day Zayn will wake up and realise what he lost. What he threw away. And I hope it rips him apart like it did me. Because he made me fall in love with him and that's the cruellest thing he could have done. Make me love him when he clearly didn't love me as much. He made my heart skip a beat and my insides ache until I forgot the difference between love and hate. He made me fall so hard so quickly and then he left me with nothing.

AM I still IN love with him?

When I was in my depressed state I wondered if it would get easier. Harry reasoned with me. He told me "It will get worse before gets better. It will get worse until it doesn't. A gaping hole inside your chest, isn't going to heal with the first person that cares enough to hold you up. You can have a million people by your side and crave just one. But it's not forever. Love only exists in the infinite sense when it is shared. Without that it’s just a green light. A leap over an ocean. A stone cast against the none feeling person. Your heartbreak doesn't mean Zayn was your one and only love. You are allowed to be hurt over losing someone you love, but don't believe you have lost the most you'll ever have. Someday, it will stop hurting and you will realise that better is the only way you know how to feel"

I love Zayn. I KNOW I do.

But then I blinked and Zayn was gone and the world was bland once again.

Do I think we could try again?

I mean really try again? Without the bull shit. Without the lies and half arsed effort. I miss him. I miss us. I miss the person I was when I was with him. There is still a part of me that thinks, no, that hopes - I'll meet him again, somewhere in the future and maybe this time it will work. What number are we on this time around? Is there any chance of it working out? Maybe it won't. Or maybe, even with all the odds against us, it will.

We wouldn't even have to start over. The feelings are still here. They have always been here. But heaven forbid if it fails again, by a bending of a road or a break that can not be fixed, at least we can say we gave it our all. People will look at us like we're crazy for playing the game of cat and mouse so often that I don't even know who's the cat and who's is the mouse anymore. All I can tell you is, that there is something about me and Zayn that is real. Or maybe it was real. Or maybe it was all in illusion my mind created to shelter myself from the hurt he would cause me. Maybe it was all a joke to him. Maybe I was the joke.

But I love him.

I want to scream at him and I want to shout at him. I want to hurt him so he can feel the pain that he put me through. I want to see him to resolve my own spoken thoughts, but I don't want to risk another goodbye. But most importantly I want to know what I did wrong and why I wasn't good enough. Because I'm confused. So many smiles began with Zayn, and now? I remember him as the reason I've cried myself to sleep for months.

 

But, I'm lonely.

Have you ever felt lonely? Not in the, my friend is on holiday and I don't have anyone to talk to for a week lonely, but really lonely. Genuine loneliness. It's a silent pain that takes over you, consuming you until you begin to suffer and breakdown from it. You don't have the one person you thought you'd spend forever with, so you isolate yourself. Of course you chose to do that so others see it as self inflicted. That's what can kill you. It truly is an illness. I've felt like this a lot lately and had it drilled into my head, that, it would last forever. 

But as I'm coming on in life, I'm meeting new people who are changing my opinion and slowly starting to move the feeling of loneliness. Sure, as a few bricks slowly come down the odd couple go back up on my walls, but they are falling faster than they are rising. Which has to be a first for me. I'm starting to believe it will get easier, as I meet new people I will learn to call friends and then those friends eventually become family. As I feel myself love again, the feeling of loneliness is easing. Of course I’m hesitant. But for now I'm optimistic.

The pain I was suffering from is starting to disappear and I am finding the love I never expected to find in a place so loud and chaotic. That's what I would like to focus on. Whether it happens or not is a different tale, but I will try. I will try to remember, in moments I feel alone and isolated, that I'm not alone. I will try and remember that there are people who will remove this pain from my life and they might not be what I expect.

I love him.

I can’t seem to change that feeling.

But I feel like a zombie. Like an alien in my own life. I walk around like everyone else but I feel like a stranger in my own body. Like I’m watching the tv show through the glass as an outsider, rather than as one of the stars.

 

After this, I don't think love is for me.

That's not me being dramatic, but I look at people I would have once fancied and feel nothing. Nothing is there. I know a lot changed when Zayn left me. I'm slowly coming to terms with it not being my fault, even if it's hard accepting it. But I can't see me being with anyone. I can't see me having kids and even the mention of setting down and starting a family doesn't give me the butterflies it once did. I feel nothing, like if it doesn't happen, I don't care. I can't see myself getting married and growing old with someone. I can see myself being the little old man at the end of the street, with no family and that doesn't bother me. It scares me how much are genuinely don't care.

But, even still, I love him.

I don't care about settling down and having someone to go home to every night.

Yes I do.

I think deep down I'm aware that I'm never going to feel the way I once did about Zayn, with anyone else. But maybe that's a good thing. It still terrifies me, how quickly and hard I fell for him. Then how much it broke my heart when he left. But it doesn't bother me anymore that he left, it's the fact he didn't give me a reason, that I will never forgive him for. Because I trusted him and he broke me. He didn't give me a reason or something I could work with to fix it, he simply left. I don't think I can forgive him for that.

 

I love him. But I don't want him anymore.

Maybe that's why I don't want kids and to get married and settle down. Because I've imagined that with him.

 

What if I imagine it with someone else?

 

Oh god.

Imagination is in overdrive.

Erection at work.

Oh god.

Awkward as fuck.

Interesting though. I didn't think I liked Harry, but apparently, I do?

 

I’m brought to my senses by another text from Zayn.

23:17 From: Zayn  
You there? Can we try again??

 

23:21 To: Zayn  
No. I love you but, I'm not in love with you anymore. I miss you, but, but I don’t wish you were here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Awwwwwe get ready for some serious Narry feels!!!!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I'm sorry for the delay, but my dog has just died so I have other things going on ATM.
> 
> As always, let me know what you think!

Niall Pov

After my realisation at work, I finish my shift and grab my stuff to leave, Louis meeting me in the car park to give me a lift back to the dorm.  
“You don’t have to meet me after every night shift, I can walk you know” I smile as I slide into the passenger seat of the Vauxhall Corsa. It’s not the best car but it’s cheap and it runs.

“I want to make sure you get home safe, I don’t like you working nights" he murmurs with a light smile as he reverses out of the parking space, he gives me the same response every time I tell him I’m capable of walking home alone. He’s just over protective of me and I understand that, I just feel bad because my shift finishes at 11:30pm, meaning he’s waited up all night, after being at College since 8am, and has to be up at 6 for his next class.

“Thanks Louis” I grin and relax into the seat.  
“So, how was the shift?” He asks a few minutes into the drive.  
“You know, usual. Long and tiring. I’m looking forward to my bed" I grin and he chuckles at my complaining.

 

“Any plans for tomorrow?” He asks as he turns left.  
“Um, do some revision for my exam next month, need to plan my next essay to write and go see Harry for a bit” I hum and Louis hums back with a raised eyebrow.  
“What?” I laugh, pretending I don’t know what he’s thinking. I do. I know exactly what he’s thinking.

“Been spending a lot of time with Harry haven’t you? Figured out you like him yet?” He smirks as he parks up in his usual car spot at our buildings car park.  
“How did you know-"  
“- Oh please! I’m great at reading people and I know you like the back of my hand! You’ve liked him for ages but hadn’t figured it out for some reason. But he likes you too" he laughs.

 

“You don’t know me that well" I grumble and cross my arms over my chest with a pout. He raises an eyebrow at me before snorting at my terrible point with no evidence, and then proceeds to tell me why it’s a terrible point.

“I know that, as a child from the age of 4 to about 12, the only present you wanted for your birthday and Christmas was a crocodile. You only wanted a crocodile, you were obsessed! I know you’ve wanted to be a football player or coach since you were ten and Bobby took you to your first Derby County match with your cousin Deo. I know you taught yourself Guitar, after picking up your brothers abandoned Christmas present, and then moved on to drums, piano and bass. I know that your favourite TV soap is Fair City and your favourite movie is The Notebook but you tell everyone it’s Fight Club. I know you had two gold fish called Tom and Jerry and you killed them by over feeding them, but to this day Greg thinks it was him, because you never told him it was you. I know you can fluently speak Gaelic Irish, Spanish, French, Italian, Chinese and Romanian, but you’ve only ever told people you can speak Spanish. I know you act dumb and pretend to be stupid so people don’t have high expectations of you, because you don’t want to let them down. Your theory for that is that if people think you're stupid they won’t expect you to go anywhere and therefore you can’t disappoint them. I know you wear contact lenses as opposed to the glasses you SHOULD wear, and are literally blind without them. I also know that no one, not even your own mother, knows about your poor eye sight. I know you have a huge crush on Justin Bieber but hate Sandra Bullock. I know your first sexual experience was with Emily James in year 10, when she sucked you off, under the bleachers after a footy match. I know you haven’t been with a girl since then and have only been with one guy- " he smirks, shuts off the engine and we get out of the car.

“-I hate you” I grumble, pouting even bigger and crossing my arms tighter.  
“So, you and Harry huh? Are you going to tell him how you feel?” he asks, changing the subject. His face screams ‘I told you I know you and I rest my case’.  
“Yeah, I think so. If he feels the same then great, I’m hoping we can be more than friends. If not, I’m hoping we can stay friends. He’s really been there for me after the whole Zayn thing. So were you!!" I whisper then practically shout the last bit, I don't want to offend him. He ruffles my hair and locks the car. We then head up to our dorm.

“Relax babe. I know you appreciate me. As far as I can see, he feels the same" Louis offers kindly as he wraps his arm around my shoulder and leads me upstairs.  
“I hope so. It’s weird because, I loved Zayn, I honestly did but, I love Harry, and even though we aren’t together it feels like a different kind of love"

 

“How did Zayn make you feel. First instincts?”  
“Giddy? Excited. He made me nervous and my heart rate increase and palms all sweaty"  
“And Harry? How does he make you feel?”   
“Safe. Safe and warm and, like I’m home" I whisper and his eyes light up like a Christmas tree. But I was honest. That’s the first thing that comes to mind when I think about Harry: Safe.

“That’s amazing!!” He shrieks.  
“How so?” I frown, jumping back slightly from his over excitement.

“When I was younger, like 12 ish- I went on a date with this lass called Holly, who I thought I really loved. My mum said asked me how she made me feel and I said nervous and excited. She told me it wouldn’t last a week and that Holly wasn’t the girl for me. I scoffed, as kids do, but a week later we broke up and I didn't understand why, but, I wasn’t actually bothered. I asked my mum how she knew Holly wasn’t the one for me, and she told me that the person who’s made for me, won’t make me feel nervous or excited, they’ll make me feel calm and relaxed and safe” he explains as we walk up the stairs and enter our common room.

“That’s Harry. That’s how he makes me feel. I feel like, even as just friends and even when we're outside, like I’m home and I’m safe and protected”  
“That’s amazing Ni! You need to tell him you love him" he squeals.  
“I don’t love him 100% yet, it’s not quite that far. But I can feel my self falling for him and- and I really like him. I know that I’m falling for him and it’s only a matter of time before it happens” I say quietly and I can feel Louis paying close attention to every word I’m saying.

“Tell him"  
“I will. Tomorrow. It’s late" I yawn and he laughs, slapping me on the back as we head to our room.  
Sleep can’t come quick enough as I collapse onto my clean sheets and shuffle until I can pull the duvet over me. I then shimmy out of my jeans and shirt and sigh as sleep takes over.

 

My revision is actually going in for once and I feel like I actually understand the content on lighting and sound management. Which means my essay on it is fairly easy to plan and only takes an hour. Which means I get to see Harry quicker.

I head over to Harry’s dorm and tap lightly on the door before letting my self in. He’s sat on the couch reading through some psychology book he’s found that he thinks will provide good insight. He was raving about it last week.

“Hey Niall!”  
“Hey Haz, have you eaten yet?” I grin as I unzip my jacket, but don’t take it off. I’m assuming he hasn’t eaten, meaning we're going out.  
“Not yet, too wrapped up with this" he grins sheepishly and I laugh at his guilty little face.  
“Okay well, get to a good stopping point and we're off for food" I grin, making him and myself a cup of tea.  
“Okay, give me ten minutes” he grins. I nod silently and place his tea on the table in front of him. I sit in the chair and sip my tea, carefully as it’s red hot, whilst I observe Harry as he studies.

 

He’s stunning. His hair is tied up as it usually is when he’s studying. His emerald green eyes, deep in concentration as he scans the words, his peachy pink lips moving ever so slightly as he mumbles the words he’s reading. I’ve learned that’s how he processes information and understands it. His pen wedge in long slender fingers, ready to write down anything he thinks is relevant. Knee bouncing ever so slightly as he tilts his head to the side, eyes squinting to interpret a sentence. Ah, resolved. I see the realisation in his eyes. His eyes flick up to me and he gives me a smirk that makes me both blush and half hard at the same time.

“What’re staring at?” He teases and I feel myself flush red at being caught staring at him.  
“N-Nothin'” I shrug and he rolls his eyes at me to signal he’s not convinced. But he says no more about it and continues reading.

 

“A-actually, could- could we have a chat? If- when you’re done with that bit?” I ask a few minutes later, gesturing to the passage of the book he’s reading.  
“Sure, I’m done anyway. What’s up?” he smiles, closing the book and giving me his undivided attention.

“I- I wanted to um- tell you- well- first of all, don’t feel the need to say it back! Or, say yes if you don’t. Um- I want you t- to be honest with me. Um- I really like you and- I- I was wondering, if- if you’d like to- to um-? Um- go- go out with me? Sometime?” I stutter, looking at my hands the entire time to avoid further embarrassment.

“Like as a date?” He asks quietly and I nod but refuse to look at him.  
“Ni? Niall look at me" he whispers and I shake my head quickly before wiping a few stray tears away. He’s going to say no. I know he is.  
“Ni? Why are you crying babe? Look at me" he asks softly and I hear him shuffle slightly before he kneels down in front of me. He takes my cup of tea out if my shaking hands and places it on the table.  
“Why are you crying?” He asks again, placing his hands over mine to stop them shaking.  
“Y- you're going to say no- and- and I’m going to lose you” I whisper and I feel him chuckle softly. I frown and feel my heart sink. I don’t find this funny. Why is he laughing?

“It's not a no babe. I really like you and I really want to go on a date with you. I’ve liked you for a while, but, I know you needed time and space to get over Zayn. So I was trying to give you that, as well as be a supportive friend” he says kindly and I flick my eyes up to see him giving me a soft grin.  
“S-seriously?”  
“Yeah babe. Seriously. I like you. I like you a lot”  
“S-so you’ll go on the date?”  
“Yeah, course I will. You have to take me somewhere fun though, no stuffy restaurants and shit" he smirks and I laugh, telling him it’s a deal.

 

Harry and I head out to lunch. It’s nothing fancy, just burger and fries with a glass of coke. We have a laugh and prat around before I walk Harry back to his dorm to finish his revision.  
“Louis will be happy with this” Harry grins as we cut across the college garden.  
“Louis? How so?”  
“I told him about a month ago that I liked you, he’s been rooting for us ever since" he smirks, dimples and all.  
“You told Louis? I told Louis! He told me you felt the same and I wondered how he knew!” I laugh.

I’m in the middle of drafting my essay for Sound and Music when my phone buzzes to signal a text.

15:35 From: Hazza  
Hey babe, picking you up at 6. Wear comfy shoes x

15:38 To: Hazza  
Thought I wa takin u out? X

15:43 To: Hazza  
You were but... this dates on me. Pick up at 6 x

15:44  
Haha, okay. C u soon x

 

I revise until 5 before having a quick shower and get dressed for the date. Louis is sprawled on my bed the whole time, boasting about how he ‘Knew we would get it on'.

But I don’t mind to be honest. He helps me choose a nice navy blue shirt to wear and pairs it with my trusty black skinny jeans and some black converse – that are comfortable and look good with the jeans. He also puts my hair in a nice quiff for me, (after I pout at him for ages then make him dry it with the hair dryer and style it) so that’s good.

“Do I look okay?” I whisper as I admire my reflection in the mirror.  
“You look gorgeous Niall. You’re nervous, aren’t you?” He smiles gently, reassuringly even.  
“I- yeah. I mean, for the last 3 years I was with Zayn. I’ve only ever dated him. Never even been on a date with someone else. What if I mess it up?”  
“You won’t-"  
“-But what if I do?” I stress and he sighs, thinking quietly to himself for a minute. He stands up from my bed and walks towards me. He cuddles with my shirt collar for a moment before speaking.

“If you do, I’m saying If, it happens. Harry will understand your nerves. You haven’t dated anyone other than Zayn and you’re nervous you’ve become complacent with things. He’ll understand your doubts. This is a new experience for both of you. But, just because it’s new, doesn’t mean it’s going to end badly” he smiles then cards his hand gently over my hair, smoothing any of the stuck up bits.  
“I’m just nervous I’ll get it wrong”  
“You might, but everyone has a different idea of a perfect date. So what you could consider wrong, Harry could love. You might think squealing over Justin Bieber is embarrassing, but he might find it endearing. You won’t know, unless you try” he soothes, just as someone knocks on the door. I glance at my phone 17:57 Hmm. He’s early. Not that that’s a bad thing. I’m just used to Zayn always being late for stuff. We used to joke that he’d be late for his own funeral. Well, I say joke, we were being truthful.

“He’s early” I whisper and Louis smiles at me before going over to greet Harry.  
“Hey Harry, looking good, right Nialler?” Louis prompts as Harry steps through the door and I actually forget to acknowledge him. I nod quickly and tell him he does. Which he does! He looks great. He’s wearing black skinny jeans also and some Brown Chelsea boots with a brown shirt to match. He looks very well put together. His hair is tied up in a messy man bun that I’m sure only he can pull off and I swear on my life, he is wearing eye liner.

“You look lovely Niall. May need a jacket though” Harry smiles and I nod before heading over to my wardrobe to find a suitable jacket whilst Louis grills Harry on his intentions with me.

“So what are the plans for tonight?” Louis drops casually.

“Well, I was thinking dinner and a movie but that’s really cliché in my books, especially for a first date as we can’t really talk during a 2 hour film. So, I’ve booked us a table at Nandos, because Niall doesn’t stop raving about it, and we're booked in to play 18 holes of mini golf. But it’s outside, hence the jacket" he reels off and I can feel the smile on his face as he explains everything. I can also feel the smile Louis is boring in to my back as I struggle to reach my jacket. Who designs a clothes rail so high, I can’t fucking reach it!? I usually stand on my chair, but don’t want to in front of Harry.

“T-that sounds lovely Haz" I tell him honestly, with a stutter.  
“Need a hand?” He chuckles and the next thing I know, he’s behind me and unhooking the coat hanger from the rail. I thank him and feel myself flush red at being caught in my short state, as he passes my jacket down and re-places the coat hanger on the rail.  
“Th-thanks. Um- just need a quick wee. Um- one minute” I mumble with a little smile. I drop my jacket on my bed and head off to the en-suite.

 

Harry POV

“Louis, is Niall okay?” I ask gently as Niall heads into the bathroom. I’m not meaning to gossip about Niall, but he’s not himself. He looks really pale and nervous which isn't what I want. I want him to be relaxed and easy going as he usually is. I just hope he isn’t having second thoughts about dating me, because I really like him.  
“Yeah, he’s really nervous. Doesn’t want to mess it up" he replies softly.  
“Why would he mess it up?” I frown.  
“He’s only ever dated Zayn. Never even been on a date with anyone else, hasn’t had a need to for the last 3 years. Short term he's worried about messing up the date and you not liking him. Middle term he’s worried about you changing your mind about liking him. Long term he’s worried about his sexual experience. As I said, he’s only ever been with one person and that was Zayn”  
“Has he told you all of this?” I whisper, my heart sinking at the thought of Niall thinking he’s not good enough. He's genuinely, so amazing. I wish he would realise that.  
“He’s like my little brother, he doesn’t have to speak for me to understand him" Louis shrugs and I can tell he means every word. He knows Niall like the back of his hand. And I bet Niall is the same with Louis.

“I’m not like that, I wouldn’t date him if I had doubts. I’ll reassure him. Make him laugh so hard he forgets why he was scared” I say decidedly.  
“Good. You treat him like the Prince he is, you hear me?” He warns and my theory is confirmed; Louis is ridiculously protective over Niall.  
“I will do. I promise I will. And just so you know, it’s not about sex for me, I’m falling for him”  
“Good. Make sure you look after him then, and we won’t have a problem” He smirks, but I can tell it’s more of a warning than a joke. Louis isn’t intimidating. Not in the slightest. I’ve got a foot on him, height wise, at least. But he’s protective and not afraid to get his hands dirty. If he wanted to hurt someone, he could. Very easily.

 

Niall POV

I Have a quick wee, wash my hands real quick and try to calm down. If I keep going like this I’m going to have a panic attack. And that’s the last thing I want and need right now. I take a few deep breaths and splash my face with water before dabbing it dry on a towel. I assess myself really quick before leaving the bathroom. I smile at Harry and Louis, grab my denim jacket and pull it on.

“Ready, when you are” I say quietly and Harry smiles as we head out of the door.

“Can I be honest?” Harry asks softly and he looks nervous and shy when I look up at him.  
“C-course"  
“I- I just asked Louis if you were okay. I’m sorry! I wasn't prying. Honest! I just- you seem really nervous and I wanted to know if I’d done something wrong. I wanted to tell you, because I don’t want you thinking I gossip about people. I really don’t! Um- he told me why you’re nervous and- and I want to try and reassure you if I May?” He murmurs his way through the explanation.

My first thought wasn’t that I’m offended or that I think he’s out of line going behind my back. Especially considering he came clean and told me what he’d done and why.

My first thought is that he’s amazing for noticing my discomfort and anxious behaviour. Not many people do. There were numerous times I had a panic attack or anxiety attack whilst out with Zayn and he didn’t have a clue. So for someone I've only known a couple of months to notice the slight change in my behaviour, is heart warming.

“I’m not mad, or- um- or upset or anything. I appreciate you telling me what you did and why. Um- I’m sorry you felt you’d done something wrong, you haven’t! I’m just- I have anxiety and sometimes it gets a bit much" I explain quietly.  
“Do you want to reschedule? I don’t mind, if you’re not feeling up to it" he says with a kind smile and takes my hand in his, gently running his thumb lightly over my palm.  
“No! No I want to. I really do. I’m just- nervous I guess" I say quickly. The last thing I want is for the date to be cancelled. I really like Harry and I really want to go out with him. I’m just scared of fucking it up.

“How about, over dinner, you tell me some of your anxiety triggers and how to calm you down after and attack? That way I can try harder not to trigger it” he offers as we walk down the stairs and head over to Nandos.  
“Really? You- you actually want to know my fears?” I whisper and he nods with a little smile. No one has ever asked me what triggers the attacks. No one has ever taken the time to get to know what I am and aren’t comfortable with, never mind gone out of their way to do it. Louis knows all my fears, but that’s because I’ve known him since I was in nappies, so he’s grown up knowing them.

“I- yeah. Thank you, that sounds lovely. You- you can tell me yours too- if you want! Then I can make you feel secure too" I grin up at him and he squeezes my hand gently.  
“Deal"

 

Nandos is busy, as it usually is, but since Harry reserved a table we get seated immediately.  
I order a coke and Harry orders an orange juice as we look at the menus to decide food.  
“Ummm- think I’ll get the chicken mayo burger and fries" I grin and he laughs, telling me he’s getting the same.  
“Do you want any starters or sides?”  
“Um- onion rings”  
“Ohhhh, that’s a good shout! Do you like nachos?” He asks as the waiter comes over and I nod. We also get nachos.

“So, is there anything that, 100 percent, triggers your anxiety?” He asks once the orders have been taken and the drinks have arrived.  
“Crowded places, and like, if there’s a lot of people, that can too. But mostly, it’s new situations and the fears of being embarrassed or getting something wrong. I don’t like it when I can’t do something or when I get this wrong, it makes me feel stupid. So, I try to avoid things that aren’t 100 percent guaranteed” I shrug and he nods softly, eyes calculating as he pays attention to every word I say.

“Thank you, for feeling like you can talk to me about this. Is there anything I can do to make you feel more comfortable with me? Or in scary situations?”  
“I don’t think so, um- holding my hand helps” I say with a cheeky grin and he laughs, reaching his hand over the table and lacing his fingers with mine.  
“That Better?”  
“Much better. So what are your fears?"

“Well, I’m currently seeing this great guy like amazing guy, he’s top notch. Hilarious, kind, caring, stunning, and incredibly intelligent. But he’s got a few anxiety fears, so I’m trying to take things slow and make sure he knows I’m safe and won’t hurt him, but I’m super worried I’ll fuck it up as I’ve never had a long term relationship, so I’m worried I won’t be good enough for him" he says with a faux American accent. A terrible one at that but it has me creasing with laughter.

“Guess we’re both nervous we'll get it wrong then. Huh?” I giggle.  
“Yeah, I guess we are” he chuckles.

The waiter comes over and places down the nachos and onion rings and we both tuck in.

“So, you’ve never had a long term relationship?”  
“Nope. Dated a few people but, I think my longest relationship is 6 or 7 months. That’s not really anything to brag about though” he sighs.  
“I don’t know, you’ve got the experience of dating and the companionship. After 7 months it becomes routine, in my experience, a little dull" I shrug and he laughs.  
“Great, does that mean we can only date for 7 months?”  
“No! No of course not! I was- well I jus-"  
“-I know babe. I’m just teasing”

 

The chicken burgers and fries are lovely! We share a chocolate pudding and ice cream before heading off to golf.

Only down side being, once we step outside the Nandos doors, we realise it’s been snowing. Havily.  
Harry insists we don’t have to as there’s no way the golf place is open, but he’s already paid for it, so I tell him we may as well see for definite it’s closed.

Which leads to us sliding all over the path as we try to get down the hill from Nandos to the golf place. I grab a hold of Harry as he seems a little more sure of his footing, but even then we're both sliding everywhere.  
“This is so slippy" I laugh.  
“I know. But if I go down, I’m taking you with me" he jokes which causes us both the laugh at his little raised eye brow, meaning we aren’t paying attention to the floor and we deck it.

“Umph" Harry grumbles as he hits the floor, the same time I groan out a “Ugh".  
So here we are both sat in 8 inches of snow, getting soaked arses, laughing so hysterically that neither of us can get up. I release my hold on Harry's arm and attempt to stand up, because as fun as it is sitting in the middle of the snow covered path with Harry, it’s also freezing. Harry holds my arm steady and guides me to stand up and I’m just about up before I fall forwards and practically crush him with my body weight.

“Sorry! Are you okay?” I frown, flopping off him and sitting to the side of him.  
“Yeah babe, I’m fine. Are you hurt?” He frowns, running a cold hand over my cheek as his eyes scan my face for pain.  
“No, no. I think we're sat over ice" I say decidedly. That would make sense as to why we can’t stand up.  
“Yeah? Let’s try and get to the door, we can use the handle to get up" he suggests, hence why we're imitating crabs, shuffling to try and get to the door, from the snow covered path.  
“Okay, hang on babe" he giggles as he stands up. He then reaches down and grabs my waist to lift me up into my feet.  
“Should we get a taxi there?”  
“Nope. We should get a taxi back to College. Leave the golf place, it’s fine-"  
“- But the deposit-"  
“- Its fine babe. I’ll call them, see what they say. Worst case, I lose a few quid. There’s no point injuring us both trying to get there. Especially considering it’s probably closed" he reasons and pulls out his phone to book an Uber.  
“2 minutes babe" he smiles and I wrap my arms around his waist, snuggling my face into his chest. I’m cold. And I want a cuddle.  
“Comfy there?” He smirks, but I feel him wrap his arms around me and rest his chin on my head. He also kisses my head twice causing me to hum in content.

We jump in the taxi rather quickly, relishing in the heat and comfort it provides from the snowy weather conditions outside.  
We tell him where to drop off and he informs us he’s can’t get to Harry’s dorm because of the ice.  
“Well, can you drop me near there?” Harry suggests.  
“No can do pal. It’s a pure ice trap. There’s been three accident on that road in the last 20 minutes” he shakes his head.

“Come to mine. We can watch a film or something till the snow dies down" I shrug, as we're literally pulling up outside my campus building.  
“Sure you don’t mind?” He mumbles, doubt evident in his face and I know it’s because he doesn't want to make me feel uncomfortable.  
“Course not! Come on"

 

We leave the taxi and face the blistering winds and icy pavement, carefully making our way towards my dorm. Once inside we both stomp off our shoes of snow and head up stairs. It’s only the 2nd floor so it’s not far to walk up.  
“Hey Louis! I’m back. Harry’s here too so get decent” I holler as I unlock the door. I give him a moment to get decent before we walk in the room, but surprisingly, the dorm is empty. There is however a note on the fridge saying he’s gone to a party and not to wait up.  
“Typical Louis” I smirk, showing Harry the note.

“Would you have usually gone with him?” He hums, taking off his coat and shoes and leaving them near the door. I do the same.  
“Sometimes I do. It’s free beer and great for socialising purposes” I shrug. Not wanting to make it a big deal. It wasn’t! They are the only reasons I went. Free alcohol and to chat with my friends. But I don’t want him to get the wrong idea or have the same though Zayn did: ie. I used it as an excuse to cheat on him.

“Niall? You don’t have to be defensive babe. I don’t care if you go to parties, it’s your life, you need to enjoy it. I know we’ve only just started dating but I do really like you and I want you to know that I trust you. I think I understand your defensiveness though. Zayn didn’t seem to trust you very much so I’m guessing he didn’t like you at parties?” He says calmly whilst he sits on the edge of my bed and I join him.

“No, he- he didn’t really like me at parties”  
“As I said, it’s your life babe. You need to have fun with it. I trust you so there’s no reason to hold back on doing anything you want to do" he says gently, carding a soft hand through my hair and making me blush.  
“Thank you. I trust you too, you know? And- and I really like you too"  
“Good. Shall we watch a film?”

 

We settle on ‘This is Me' since I’ve never seen it and Harry won’t stop raving about how I’ve ‘never lived’ and ‘it’s the best film ever’.

I lend Harry some of my largest joggers as his jeans are smacking from the snow and I get changed into some basket ball shorts, before we settle under the duvet.

I immediately cuddle into Harry, laying my head and arm on his chest and throwing one leg over his legs. He has one hand carding through my hair gently and the other rested on my thigh and I’ve never felt safer.

 

I’m asleep before the film even starts.


	4. Chapter 4

Harry pov

I’m woken up from my deep slumber by something hard hitting my head. I groan and quickly blink my eyes open to assess the danger whilst I rub my bruising head.  
The first thing I realise is that I’m at Nialls house in his bed. I’m aware of this as I have the blonde snug against my body, practically laid on top of me with his head mushed into my neck. I can feel the soft exhales of his breath every so often and know from the pace of it, that he’s asleep.  
I look up then. If Niall didn’t launch something at my head, someone else is in the room and they did.  
“Zayn? What are you doing here?” I frown, coughing afterwards as my voice is hoarse and raspy from sleep.  
“So he won’t put out to me, but you two date for five minutes and you’re already in his bed!?” He snaps causing Niall jolt upright from shock. He opens and closes his mouth a few times, making cute little ‘I’m thirsty' noises as he looks around very disoriented. He sighs and flops back down onto my chest gently, his face resting in my neck and his hand coming up to hold the other side of my neck. He places a few small kisses against my neck and moans softly.

“Seriously!?”  
“Zayn get out. Nothing happened and even if it did, it’s none of your business” I snap quietly as to not to wake the blonde.  
“I love him Harry. I’m not leaving without him back-"  
“-You don’t deserve him! I would never have done what you did. No self respecting person would” I snap once again. I rub my hand soothingly though Nialls hair and he hums lightly.

“I want him back!” Zayn shouts and launches another book at me, only this time it hits Niall.  
“Ow!” He whines and sits up to see what the issue is. I don’t blame him for whining though, it looked like a harsh throw.

“Why yah t’rowing books a’ me ‘ead?” Niall snaps as he turns to face Zayn, anger and pain evident on his face. It makes me coo slightly at the sleepy look on his little face. His eyes are barely open and his accent is really broad Irish that makes me slightly harder than I’m willing to admit.

“I want you back Niall. Come back to me" Zayn pleads, walking over towards the bed and grabbing Nialls hands in his.  
“I- ge’ off me! Ge’ ou’ me room. What t’e fuck Zayn? We don' speak fer mont’s and t’en yah pull t’is shit! Yah can’t just come in me room. I could a' been naked!” Niall shouts, removing his hands quickly from Zayns and crossing them over his chest.

“I love you-"  
“-Well I don’t love you” Niall snaps.

“So what? You spend the night with HIM and you don’t want me anymore? He was all over me yesterday Harry, almost had to prize him off with a crow bar-"  
“-Bull shit-" Niall cries.  
“-Shut up Zayn. Shut up, get out and don’t speak to either of us again. I know he wasn’t all over you, he’s not like that-" i warn him calmly.  
“-He’s Frat boy!"

“He’s the most Frat-less Frat boy I actually know" I scoff. Niall may live in a frat house but that doesn’t make him a frat boy. He’s kind and caring and loyal and trustworthy. I don’t have one single doubt in my mind that he would cheat on someone he’s seeing.  
“He’s a frat boy through and through-"  
“-Then why do you want him? Clearly you don’t think very highly of him so why are you hear?” I snap. He stutters for a moment before rolling his eyes at me.

“You know he’ll only top right? When we talked about fucking he said he’d only top" Zayn smirks and I shrug at him. I couldn’t care less whether Niall wants to top or bottom. I like both so I’m not bothered.  
“I don’t care. He can top if he wants to” I shrug, but when I glance at Niall I can see he’s embarrassed as he’s refusing to meet either of our eyes and is fiddling with his hands. I can tell he’s nervous and I rub my hand carefully over his back.

“Get out Zayn" I mutter, shaking my head at him.  
“No. He’s got a small dick too. You won’t feel him-"  
“- Seriously! Get the fuck out!” I roar. I carefully move past Niall and stomp over to Zayn, pushing him out of the room, I grab the keys out of his hand and slam the door in his face. I drop the keys on the side, assuming one of them is the key to Nialls room. I’ll take it off later and return to others to him. Maybe.

“Hey? Do you need a minute?” I ask Niall softly. He’s sat on his bed in his boxers, I felt him strip in his sleep, looking traumatized. I pad my way over to him and sit on the edge of the bed.  
“N-no. T'anks for getting rid of him. I swear I didn’t, um- touch him- or see him! Um- I- I understand of you don’t want to see me again”  
“I know you didn’t babe. I don’t have one single shred of doubt that you did. Why wouldn’t I want to see you?”

“It’s true. What he said. I’m not big" he sighs with a shrug, pretending he’s not bothered but I can tell he is, by the way he’s picking his nails when he thinks I’m not looking.  
“Niall-"  
“-It's true. If I topped, you would feel it really” he shrugs, refusing to meet my gaze.

“I don’t care how big you are. I love you before seeing you naked and I know I’ll love you just as much after, whenever that happens. No rush."  
“Y-you love me?” He gasps, finally lifting his head to meet my eyes.

“Yeah. I really do. You don’t have to say it back, but I know I love you, so I thought you should know. I love you as a friend but, also as more than a friend and I know, I’m slowly falling for you. You don’t have to say anything-" I say quietly and he cuts me off.  
“-I love you too as more than a friend and- and I'm falling for you too" he says with a shy smile.

“Good. So let’s forget about Zayn and watch a film” I grin and crawl back into bed with him.  
“One quick thing, um- can we discuss one thing first?” He whispers with a little lip bite.  
“Course, what’s up?”

“I’m a virgin" He sighs and I can’t help but almost laugh. Almost. The only thing that stops me is Nialls little worried look. It reminds me he’s showing me a vulnerable side of him and if I laugh, he’ll think I’m laughing at him.

“I know. I knew when you had that fight with Zayn” I say gently.  
“But, it doesn’t bother you?”  
“Why would it?”  
“Dunno? Some people don’t like virgins" he shrug and settles back under the duvet.  
“It doesn’t bother me" I assure him.

“Can I ask you something? How old were you-you know-when you urm- first did it?”  
“14. I’m not proud, but it got it out of the way" I shrug, sitting on the bed and tucking myself under the duvet.  
“Was that with a boy?”  
“No, that was with a girl. I was 15 when I first got with a boy. Alfie Jaws, it was terrible" I chuckle at the memory but it seems to make Niall more nervous.

“The sex wasn’t, he was good. But there was no chemistry and neither of us knew what to do. We spent the first 20 minutes, sat on my bed, googling how to do it" I tell him with a nudge and I can see him trying to keep the smirk inside.  
“I don’t know if I want to- to be on top or not”  
“Is there a reason Zayn said you’d only top?” I frown. It’s no secret he and Niall have bad blood since the breakup so I’ve learned to take everything Zayn says with a pinch of salt.  
“I dunno. When we first got together in high school, I was on the footy team and- and the guys would always ask if I’d fucked him yet. Just- sort of got drilled into my that I’m on top. And then Zayn said he couldn’t picture me bottoming as I have a low pain tolerance”

“Well, when the time comes, we can figure it out. No rush babe. I will say this though, when we have sex, if you are on the bottom, I won’t hurt you.” I smile and he cuddles into my chest with a frown.  
“You can’t guarantee that Harry”  
“Yes I can. I can make sure I prep you properly. If I prep you right and use enough lube it won’t hurt, it will be a little uncomfortable but it won’t hurt you” I say firmly and he gives me a little ‘I trust you’ smile.

 

 

Niall and I have been dating for 4 months now. Which is amazing! Every single moment I spend with the blonde, I fall more and more in love with him. Which leads to me asking him to come home with me for Christmas.  
“Hey, what are your plans for Christmas?” I smile at my boy as I meet him from his music lesson. I give him a quick kiss, sliding my hand up over his neck until I’m holding his cheek, my other hand settled on his waist. He loops both arms around my neck and kisses me back softly. I slide my tongue against his soft lips and moan a little as I feel him playing with the little strands of hair from the back of my neck.  
He giggles a little, causing my knees to go weak and he uses that chance to plunge his tongue into my mouth. It’s only there momentarily as there are wolf whistles and hollers from the hallway, that cause us to pull apart blushing.

“Hey" he pants lightly.  
“Hey" I whisper. I pull him a little closer and kiss him a few more times before we pull away properly and head over to the cafe to get some lunch.  
“So, plans for Christmas?”  
“Um- going to Ireland- see the family. Booking my flight this weekend” he grins.

“Oh, I’ll miss you though” I frown.  
“I- I know Haz- I’ll miss you too but- but I haven’t seen my family in 8 months. It’ll only be for 2 weeks” he says quietly.  
“No, I know. Of course you have to go. I’m just being selfish. Ignore me.

“I’ll miss you too though. What are your plans?” He grins, holding my hand and swinging our arms as we walk.  
“Going home to Cheshire. See my family" I smile.  
“Crazy. I was going to ask if you wanted to come to Ireland with me. My mum’s been pecking my head to meet you” he chuckles.

“Yeah? I feel bad now. But, I know how you feel, my mum and sister are more excited to see you, than they are me.”  
“We could split it? Go to one for a week and then the other?” I offers.

“Yeah?! Oh my god that would be amazing!” I squeal.  
“That way we both get to see our families-"  
“-And I get to spend 2 weeks with you-"  
“- And we get to meet each others families” he concludes.

“I love you and your brilliant brain"  
“I love me too” he smirks before running off down the field, laughing hysterically to himself. I shake my head fondly at him with a smile before running after him. Luckily my legs are longer so I catch up to him pretty quickly. The down side is, I’m knackered as he’s a fucking fast runner and I pretty much need oxygen when I catch up to him.

I grab his side’s and spin him around to have a quick little make out session. It is quick as well as Louis hollers at us to get a room or join the football match.  
“Fancy a game?” Niall smiles, holding my hands and tugging my arms towards where the boys are choosing players for their little game.

“I can’t-"  
“- Why not?!” be whines.  
“I’m rubbish! I have no co-ordination and I'm clumsy as fuck. I'll be on my face in seconds” I whines and he flings his head back with a loud witches cackle laugh.  
“Please? I promise not to laugh at your terribleness"  
“Fine! But I want to choose the film tonight” I compromise and he shakes his head at me with a smile, but agrees and drags me over to the other boys.

“Okay, I want Nialler” Louis calls first.  
“Yes Tommo!” Niall grins and heads over to his team.  
“I want Michael" Callum calls.

“Nialler, what’s your boy like at footy?” Louis asks Niall who’s holding back a smirk. He’s never seen me play, but be knows I have the co-ordination of bambi on ice.  
“Well, he’s tall, that’s a good advantage point. He’s a fast runner and has all the finesse of a bull in a China shop" he says casually, causing everyone, including me, to laugh.  
“Go on then, China bull, I’ll take a chance on you” louis smiles.

“I'd like to say I’ll be an asset, but that would be a bare faced lie" I smile as I head over to their team to a round of laughter. I get why Niall hangs with these guys, they’re lovely and so easy going.

The match goes great. I fall over my own feet, twice, but Niall smiles, helps me up and kisses my head gently before running after the ball, which is nice. And earns a few coos from the other players.  
It’s a funny game, and despite my incompetence our team wins and we all leave the field covered in mud, sweat and pride.  
It’s as we're heading off of the field that Nialls walking falters. His walking speed slows down slightly and then stops before immediately dropping to the floor with a scream.

“Arrggh!”  
“Niall-"  
“-Nialler-"  
“-Babe-"  
“-What’s wrong mate-"  
“-Is it your knee-?”  
“-Everyone back up!” Louis hollers and shoos everyone back as he kneels down to see Niall.

“Is it your knee babe?” He asks carefully and Niall nods with a whimper. I carefully crush down next to him and hold the hand that isn't clutching at his knee. I glance down and see the already inflamed purple knee that looks, well, it looks like the bone is broken. It’s twisted to the side of his knee and is quickly bruising and swelling up the whole way around his knee.  
Niall told me when we first started dating about his knees and I’m glad he did! If they can dislocated just from walking, I need to be careful when we play fight and eventually become intimate, as some of the positions could hurt him, it’s good to be safe than sorry.  
“Go get a hot water bottle" I ask one of the other boys who looks at me strange, nods and runs off to do that.  
“Has it dislocated babe?” I ask him softly and he whimpers, tears streaming down his bright red face and breathing harsh and laboured, indicating he’s in immense pain. And I don’t blame him. It looks torture. So much to the point there’s 15 people stood around us and not one of them is laughing at him for crying. Instead, they all look just as concerned as me and Louis are.  
He nods with a whimper and my heart shatters as I wipe the tears from his beautiful face, but they just keep falling.

“I’ll call an ambulance” Louis whispers and rubs Nialls shoulder softly before standing and walking a few feet away, phone pressed to his ear.  
“Here” the boy called when he returns with the hot water bottle. I take off my jumper and roll it up before placing it carefully under Nialls dislocated knee. He whimpers softly but seems to relax as the pressure is taken off of his knee. I lay the hot water bottle over his knee to keep it warm and he sighs as the pain is eased.

“Better?”  
“A- a bit”  
“Ambulance is gonna be at least an hour” Louis sighs and Niall whimpers even more.  
“If I don’t put it in- with- within 10 minutes it seizes up and-and- and I can’t walk for weeks!” Niall whimpers. This isn’t good. We're supposed to be going to Ireland next week for Christmas, and then to Cheshire the week after!!

“Can someone else relocate it?” Louis asks the small group that’s gathered around us. Everyone shakes their heads.  
“I could try? I used to relocate my sister shoulder when she dislocated it” I offer carefully. I’ve never relocated a knee but they're kind of the same as shoulders.  
“Yeah? Cou- could you give it a go?” Niall asks quietly and I nod nervously. I don’t want to hurt him but he’ll be in more pain the longer it’s out of place. I blow in my hands to warm them up a little and move the hot water bottle.

“Lay on your back" I tell him. This is going to hurt enough, he doesn’t have to see it as well as feel it. He lays down and covers his face with his hands and I can see Louis hold his and mumble something to him. I place one hand over his knee cap and the other around his ankle. I bend his knee slightly and press his knee cap down and inwards as I lightly bend and straighten his knee. He whimpers slightly and I apologise but keep going until I hear a small pop and know his knee has been relocated. I bend his knee all the way back and straighten it as much as I can a few times before helping his sit up and pay the hot water bottle over his knee to keep it warm, whilst his knee rests back on my jumper.

“How's that feel?”  
“Good. A bit sore, but it feels better already" he says with a watery smile. He has a few minutes to catch his breath and for the swelling to go down, then I help him stand up before aiding him back to his dorm room to rest.

 

Niall misses classes for two days so his knee can rest, meaning one of his class mates goes over to his dorm to talk him through anything he missed. Which is nice of her.

 

We’re at Nialls packing for the Christmas holidays (we’ve already been to mine for me to pack) when I get a phone call from my mum to confirm plans. I’m sprawled on Nialls bed whilst he folds some clothes he thinks he wants to take, but he’s not sure.

“Hey mam, how’s it going?” I grin.  
“It’s going good Harry, how are you? How’s Niall? Are you both still coming over?”  
“Yeah we're both good mam, Nialls just packing now. I can’t wait to see you and Gemma, I’ve missed you both”

“Awwwwe, we’ve missed you too babe. But we'll see you in a week! So, you’re in Ireland 15th until the 23rd and then you're with us until new year?”  
“Yeah, week at Nialls and just under two weeks at yours. We couldn’t get any later flights to see Nialls family longer, which is a shame" I frown. Niall said he wasn’t bothered as he still got to see them, but I know he misses them and even an extra 3 days would have meant the world to him.

“That is a shame darling, is Niall okay about the arrangements?”  
“Yeah he’s just as excited as I am. We can’t wait" I grin.  
“And when do you go back to College?”  
“Um, we’re booked on the train back to London, on the 4th January. The train departs at 9:05pm”

Niall heads into the bathroom to grab his toiletries and I’m glad as the next question isn’t for Nialls ears.

“So have you told him about Megan yet?”  
“Not yet. So don’t say anything” I say firmly.  
“I won’t say anything. Neither will Gemma. But you should. He deserves to know-"

“-Haz! I’m just nipping out for some shampoo, won’t be long” Niall calls as he leaves the room. I shout bye to him.  
“-He deserves to know about her” my mum scolds.

“I know he does. But I’m scared I’ll lose him. At first I was worried he wouldn’t date me because of it and now I feel like I’ve waited too long and it looks like I’m trying to hide something!” I whine.  
“Tell him"  
“I will. I’ll tell him about Megan, after the holidays” I say with a fake smile. I will tell him, but I really really don’t want to.

I say my good byes to my mother and sit back on the bed from where I’ve been pacing the room.  
I nearly shit myself when I look up and Louis is stood there looking at me with a quizzical and unimpressed face.  
“Geez! You scared me Lou. I didn’t see you there” I mummer, laying a hand over my chest to control my heart rate.

“Who’s Megan?” He asks firmly, not moving a muscle from his place in the doorway.  
“What?” I ask carefully, trying to play dumb. He sees straight through it.

“Megan. The girl you haven’t told Niall about. Who is she? Girlfriend? Daughter? Bit on the side-"  
“- No. She’s No one-"  
“-Then why are you so defensive and why do you need to tell Niall about no one?” He challenges and credit where it’s due, Louis Tomlinson is not thick. He’s sharp and observant and on the ball.

“What aren’t you telling him?!” He snaps and I flinch. I sigh to myself, use all the balls I have to raise my eyes and meet his sterner glare.

 

“I’m married” I whisper so quietly I'm hoping he didn’t hear me. But his hardened face tells me he did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAHAHAHHAHAHAHA
> 
> YOU ALL THOUGHT HARRY WAS PERFECT


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Christmas update for you all!!!

Harry Pov

“Okay. So. Here’s what’s going to happen. When Niall comes back, you tell him everything-" Louis says firmly but quietly. It’s a calm anger. The kind that I fear the most. It’s the fear of the unknown. I don’t know what’s doing to happen or when and that’s terrifying.  
“-It’ll break his heart!”  
“Should have thought of that, before you starting dating him, knowing you’re already wed!” He snaps.  
“Louis, I love Niall. If I tell him, I’ll lose him!”  
“And if you don’t tell him, you’ll lose him. Because either you tell him, or I do.” He warns and I know for a fact that he means every word.  
“Okay, I’ll tell him. After the holiday-"  
“-Before the holiday. You will tell him, right now!” He hisses as the door opens and Niall comes back holding a bottle of Apple shampoo.  
He dumps his keys on the side and drops the shampoo in his bag at the bottom of the bed, before turning and grinning at me.  
“All packed?”  
“J-just about”  
“Best hurry up. We have classes in less than an hour.”  
“I- I know. Niall- Niall, come sit down babe"  
“Why?” He frowns as I lead him to the bed and sit him down. I sit next to him and hold his hands in mine. I can see the confusion on his face. He's scared. Nervous. He thinks I’ve changed my mind about him. If only he knew.

He looks around a little and frowns even more when he sees Louis stood by the door, looking intently at me. His gaze turns back to me.  
“Haz, what’s up?”  
“I- I need to tell you- um- s- something. But- you aren’t going to like it" I sigh.  
“W- are you breaking up with me?”  
“What!? No!! No. No baby. Definatly not! I love you- I. That’s why this is so hard. Because you’re going to hate me" I sigh.  
“Then don’t tell me” he shrugs.  
“Niall-"  
“- No Louis. I love Harry and he loves me and whatever this secret is, I’m clearly better off not knowing. Ignorance is bliss an’ all that" he shrugs again.  
“Niall. Babe listen to me. Any other time and I'd agree with you. If it’s not broken, don’t fix it, right? But trust me, when I say, you need you know this. This is one secret you can’t be ignorant to.” Louis walks over to us and sits next to Niall. He takes Nialls hands out of mine and reasons with him.

“But -but. I don’t think I’m going to like it" he whispers.  
“You won’t babe. But you need to know it" he sighs, like it physically breaks his heart to hurt Niall. I know why he’s doing this though and I don’t blame him. He wants Niall to know what he’s getting into and is trying to prevent further damage, that will hurt more as he’ll be in deeper.

“Okay. Tell me” he says nervously, taking in a deep breath and exhaling to calm himself down.  
“Wait. Please. Just hear me out, one second? When I tell you, you’re going to hate me. You’re going to be mad at me and I don’t blame you. I won't blame you. I just ask one thing? Hear me out to the end? Please?”

“Okay” he whispers.  
“I- I’m- um- I’m married"  
“Haha. No you’re not" he scoffs.  
“I am"  
“No you aren’t. Good one Haz. Nearly had me there-"  
“- Niall. I’m not playing. I’m married”  
“W-what? M-married? You’re 18! How the hell are you married at 18!” He snaps as he stands up and paces the room.

“I’m sorry-”  
“-You lied to me" he says softly as he turns to face me. Realisation sinking in, that I’m not playing. I am telling the truth, meaning, I am in fact married. The tears in his eyes, threaten to fall and I have to force myself to hold back from reaching out to comfort him.

“I’m sorry. I really am! I wanted to tell you, but I knew I’d lose you-"  
“-That’s no excuse-"  
“I know! I know. Baby please-"  
“-Don’t you dare. Don’t you fucking BABY me. We’re done. Delete my number” he snaps before turning to leave the dorm room, but Louis stands in front of the door.

“Babe. Maybe hear him out?”  
“You’re on his side?” Niall gasps, shock evident in his voice.  
“No! No definatly not. I’m always on your side babe. But you love him and you’re hurting. Maybe hearing his reasons will ease some of the pain" Louis reasons and pulls Niall into a warm and comforting cuddle.  
“And maybe it will make me beat the shit out of him" he warns into Louis shoulder.  
“Yeah maybe" he chuckles.

“Niall? I really am sorry. Please let me explain"  
“I- I can’t right now. I can’t, because I want to hurt you. I want to hurt you, like you've hurt me. And I’m afraid that, if I hit you once, I won’t stop" he says honestly, moving out of Louis arms to look me in the eyes.  
“I wouldn’t blame you. I mean, eye for an eye-"  
“-Makes the whole world blind" he snaps.

“What?”  
“The full phrase for that is, an eye for an eye, makes the whole world blind”  
“I never knew that" I whisper.

“I could hurt you. So, so easily right now. But then you could hurt me back, or Gemma could, for revenge. So Greg hurts Gemma and it goes on and on and on until there’s no one left to hurt. There are no more eyes and the world is blind"

“I wouldn’t get revenge. I deserve the pain. I know I do. I wouldn’t judge you for hurting me"  
“It won’t make you feel any better Niall” Louis reasons.  
“Louis-" I try to tell him I deserve it but he cuts me off.

“- No Harry. What the fuck are you doing? Do you know what, or rather, who you’re up against? I’m trying to help you here. Trust me when I say, you don’t want to start a fight with Niall. Because you’ll lose” Louis warns me.

“I wouldn’t fight back"  
“Harry. Niall has single handedly taken down four seniors at once, all of them were double his height and weight. They were all fighting back and he hospitalised three of them. The other one literally ran, for his life. You DON'T want Niall to lay into you. Because he won’t stop, until he feels you've paid the price" Louis says firmly and I glance over at Niall seeing him clench his jaw. He doesn’t strike me as violent or aggressive but the way his jaw is clenching, I can tell he could be. Very easily.

“Okay. So how so I fix this?” I ask quietly. I don’t want to push Niall but I refuse to lose him.  
“Delete my number. Stay away from me" Niall says firmly before leaving the dorm. Louis let’s him this time.

 

Niall Pov

It’s been three days since I’ve seen or spoken to Harry and I have to say, I’m coping horribly.

I miss him.

I miss him and I wish he was here.

But he hurt me more than words can describe. And I don’t know how to forgive him. Lord knows I want to. I just don’t know how.

 

I finish stacking the shelves and take the empty boxes to the recycling bin, before saying bye to Stef and clocking out. Once I've grabbed my stuff, I head over to Louis car and settle into the passengers seat.

“Hey. How was the shift?”  
“Long. I’m so tired. Being on my feet for 8 hours, after a full day of college, kills me" I complain and he lays his hand on my thigh and squeezes sympathetically.  
“You can have a lie in tomorrow” he smiles and I grin knowing I haven’t got classes for nearly three weeks!! I also frown before the day after tomorrow I fly to Ireland and have to tell my mother I broke up with Harry. I haven’t had the balls to tell her as of yet so she still thinks he’s coming with me.  
“Can’t wait" I whisper and he gives me a knowing look. Like he’s read my mind and knows everything. In all honestly, I know he knows everything I’m thinking and feeling. He knows me better than I know myself.

“Maybe, don’t bite my head off - I’m driving and I could crash – talk to him. He loves you and wouldn’t hurt you intentionally. Hear him out. Even if you don’t get the answers you want, at least it could put your mind at ease a little” he suggests and it surprises me. Louis is always on my side and whilst I don’t feel like he isn’t on my side, I’m shocked he isn’t as angry at Harry as I am.

“I’m surprised you aren’t mad at him"  
“I am. Believe me I want nothing more than to beat the shit out of him”  
“And yet, you think I should hear him out?” I frown as he pulls into McDonald's drive through.  
“Look. Nialler. You’re my brother, you know that. You always have been and you always will be. I love you more than anything in this world and I just want you to be happy. And I know you and Harry are in love with each other. So whilst I don’t agree with him lying to you, I know he wouldn’t have done it easily. He probably feels awful about it. You know Harry, he felt bad for the spider I squashed, whilst you were both stood squealing on your bed!”

“What’s your point?” I sigh. It wasn’t my proudest moment. Standing on my bed shouting at Harry to get the spider. Only for him to shout at me to get it as we're both terrified of them. In the end I called Louis and made him come back from the pub to get it. Harry wanted him to take it outside. I just wanted it squashed. Louis used Harry’s size 8 Chelsea boot and Harry cried because he felt bad for the spider's family.

“My point is, he’s a good guy, deep down. I know he’s fucked up and I don’t expect you to forgive him. But I genuinely think, that for your own peace of mind, you should at least listen to the full story, before you completely burn down the bridge.”  
“What if I don’t like what he says?”  
“You might not. But, at least it will help you decide whether to hold on, or let go" he smiles gently.

“You were wrong. About me not wanting to forgive him. I want to. I really do. I just don't know how”  
“Maybe it would help knowing what you’re forgiving?”  
“Yeah. Yeah maybe. Get me a big Mac then" I grin and he laughs before pulling forward and ordering our midnight tea.

 

We eat our meals in the car before Louis drives us home.

We both strip down pretty much immediately and collapse onto my bed. I’m almost asleep when Louis pulls me onto his chest. I sigh and cuddle closer to him.  
“Text him, yeah babe?”  
“Yeah. ‘morrow" I yawn.

“I could text him for you? Cutting it a bit late waiting till tomorrow. I could ask him to pop by tomorrow morning?” Louis witters on and I nod agreeingly. I’m too tired to care at them moment. I feel him reach for the phone on the bedside table.

“Okay so I’ve put, ‘We should talk. You free tomorrow bout 10?. And he’s replied ‘Of course! I’ll see you tomorrow Niall x' ” Louis reads out and I grin a ‘thank you’ to him before snuggling into Louis chest and letting sleep take me.

 

Harry pov

I set my alarm for 8 but don’t get up until 8:21. I roll out of bed and spend longer than necessary in the shower. I wash my hair and body before climbing out and finding some suitable clothes. I settle on black skinny jeans and a leopard print shirt that’s loosely tucked in. I half dry my hair before throwing it up into a bun.

I check my phone for the time. 9:42.

I sigh to myself.

I know I need to go see Niall. Part of me is excited at the thought of seeing him. Part of me is nervous he’s going to break up with me officially. Part of me is terrified he hates me.

But I know, I KNOW that if he listens to me, he’ll understand. I just need him to listen.

I check my phone again and realise that I should really set off as it’s 9:49

I pull on some battered brown boots and head out, pocketing my keys, wallet and phone.

I walk quickly over the college fields as it’s freezing out and I didn’t bring a coat. But I get to Nialls building soon enough and head up to the second floor. I knock a few times and wait nervously for him to answer.

Except he doesn’t answer. Louis does.

“Hi Louis. I’ve come to see- um- Niall”  
“I know. I arranged the meet up” he replies, which shocks me as it was Niall who texted me. Or rather, new information has come to light telling me it was Louis on Nialls phone.

“Can I see him?” I ask carefully.  
“Three questions” he says firmly with an eye brow raised, challenging me. I nod silently.

“One. Are you hear to fix this?”  
“Yes I-" he cuts me off by holding one finger up to shush me and I silently nod again. He doesn’t want an explanation. He just wants simple answers.  
“Two. Are you going to hurt him again?”  
“No"  
“Three. Do you love him?”  
“More than anything”

“If you hurt him-"  
“-I won't-"  
“-Shut up. If. You hurt my friend again, I will make you suffer. In ways you can’t even imagine.” He warns and I gulp harshly.  
“I won’t. That's the last thing I want to do. I want to fix this. Please? Please let me fix this” I beg. I actually beg.

He stands aside and let’s me in. But he then follows me in. Meaning I’m not getting to speak to Niall alone. Louis makes him self comfortable on his own bed, next to Niall and I sit down on the chair opposite them after taking my boots off and leaving them by the door.

I finally get to see Nialls beautiful face. He’s been crying. And not sleeping well. He also looks thinner and paler. God. What have I done to him!?  
Louis lays a protective arm around him and Niall snuggles into him for comfort.  
“Niall? How've you been?” I ask gently. It’s a stupid question. He hasn’t been great. Clearly. But I feel I should ask rather than assume. And I feel like Niall will appreciate me asking.

“Um- busy. Working and college and- um- not been sleeping- um great"  
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry if that’s my fault" I say honestly and he nods that he’s heard me.  
“How've you been?” he whispers and I nod unconvincingly.

“Um- not great either really. Working and college. Same as you. I’ve missed you”  
“I’ve missed you too" he says reserved.  
“You didn’t call" I whimper. Tears filling my eyes. He missed me! He can’t hate me if he missed me. He still cares about me! But- but he didn’t call.

“I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t- I don’t hate you Harry. I’m fuming with you. But more- I want to forgive you and move past this. But I don't know how” he says softly and I know he’s being completely honest. I also know he’s spent a long time thinking over this situation and what the best thing to do is.

“Can I please explain?”  
“Sure but- I can’t promise that it will be okay. I can’t promise we'll be okay.”  
“Okay. That’s fair. Thank you for the honesty. Her- her name is Megan. We met when we were- um- about 12 and we became really good friends. At the age of 15 she w-was diagnosed with a really aggressive form of- of b-breast cancer and was told her survival chances weren’t- well- they weren’t great because it had already spread so far.” I say quietly, trying to keep my emotions in check at the memories of sitting in hospital with her whilst she had chemotherapy and radiotherapy. She was one of my best friends and I’ll be damned if anyone thinks I'd let her go through that alone.

“Harry- I’m so sorry. I didn't know" Niall whimpers, barely holding his own tears at bay. I don’t quite understand why he’s so emotional over this but he’s a really compassionate person and empathises with pretty much anyone and their issues.

“I know babe. I know. To cheer her up- I suggested we start working through her bucket list. We -we visited Hollywood. Went sky diving - which is terrifying I might add and I cried the whole way down to the floor. I took her to Disney Land Paris for her 16th birthday. We did every thing- um- that was on her list. There was one thing left. But she wouldn’t tell me what it was, she said I couldn’t help her with the last thing. I begged her to. Said if I couldn’t do it, I-I would find someone who could. The last thing on her list was g-g-getting married. She- she said- she wanted to know what it was like to be b-beautiful and w-walk down the um- isle.”  
“So you married her" Niall fills in when the tears take over and I can’t speak. I nod silently and hear shuffling before Niall is sat next to me, pulling me into a cuddle. I rest my face into his chest and he tangles one of his hands in the little hairs at the base of my neck. The other hand is running smoothly over my back.

“I’m sorry-"  
“- No I’m sorry pet. I should’ve known you wouldn’t have married without reason. I’m sorry for not listening to your reasons" he soothes and I sniffle to myself.  
“I love you” I say timidly.  
“I love you pet" he says softly and kisses my cheek and I let out a sigh of relief that he still loves me.

“She made it. Megan. She made it. She fought it- and- and the divorce is underway. It’s not messy um- or complicated. Neither of us have any assets or money. Just waiting for the papers to- to be drawn up officially so we can sign them and- and that’s it"

“Okay pet. I’m really glad she’s okay. Well- I’m not happy that you didn’t tell me. I’m really not. You- I understand why you did it. I know you were trying to- to make her wishes come true in case- case the worst happened- I get that. But I can’t ignore you lying about it.” He explains with a sigh and my heart clenches harshly.

“Please-"  
“- Harry. This is really serious to me. You lied about something so major and- okay it’s in hand and the divorce is underway etcetera. But- you still lied. And if you can lie about this, what else can and will you lie about?”  
“Nothing! I promise! I won’t ever lie to you again. I will tell you everything! I promise you-"  
“-I don’t know. I don’t know if I can trust you”

“I think you should give him a chance. He seems genuinely sorry" Louis reasons and I’m both shocked and relieved that Louis is on my side.

“I don’t know how”  
“Like this. This is- this is the knife he hurt you with. Take it out and place it to one side.” Louis says. He hands Niall a pen and imitates stabbing Niall in the leg with it. He holds the pen over Nialls thigh and Niall raises an eyebrow unconvincingly. Louis just shushes him and urges him to do as he says. Niall takes the pen out of Louis hand (his leg?) And places it on the cupboard. It’s weird. And for a second I think it’s a waste of time. Until I see Nialls shoulders deflate and he let’s out a long breath I didn’t know he was holding.

“You need to promise me one thing right now, before I let this go"  
“Yes! Yes anything”  
“Don’t ever lie to me again. That includes keeping things from me" he says firmly and I nod quickly at him. I don’t ever intend to lie to him. I don’t ever intend to hurt him again. These last 5 days without seeing or speaking to him have been torture, and I never want to experience this pain and helplessness again, for as long as I live.

“Okay. So, I’ll let this go and won’t bring it up again. So long as, we have an understanding of honesty?”  
“We do. Total honesty 100%!”  
“Better pack then. We leave at 4am" Niall smiles softly to me  
“Yeah! Yeah, I’ll go finish packing” I grin.

“Niall? Do you think you should tell Harry? What about this 100% honesty thing?” Louis mutters as I pull my shoes on.  
“Tell me what?” I frown.  
“I- yeah I should. Can you- sit down? I was going to tell you. Before we got- intimate. Um- I- I’m nervous" he trails off. I abandon my shoes and ait back next to him on the bed.  
“About having sex? It’s Okay if you are. It’s new to you and it’s understandable you’re nervous and scared. It’s nothing to worry about babe. It’s nice and feels good and I’ll guide you through everything. There’s no need to worry. And there’s no rush.”

“I’m ready. I’m ready to have sex with you.” He surprises me by saying.  
“Are you sure? Not that I’m complaining, I'm just surprised. You and Zayn were together for 3 years and didn’t do it. We’ve been together 5 months and haven’t even seen each other naked. Well- you've seen me naked. I haven’t seen you naked though”  
“I feel more comfortable with you. And I feel ready. I never felt that with Zayn that’s why I held off. I just- I never really let him- touch me. I was more- I went down on him more and touched him more. He never really- got me off by touching me"  
“How come? Did he- why didn’t he return the action?” I frown.

“I didn’t- um want him to? He was good and no complaints. Just...” He shrugs but doesn’t continue.  
“Are you not into that? Some people like giving pleasure but not receiving it. Others like both others like none. It’s okay babe. We can do whatever you’re comfortable with” I reassure him.

“No? I- it’s hard to explain. I’m embarrassed” he shrugs, looking at the floor and refusing to meet my gaze.  
“Look at me. Embarrassed by what?”  
“My body" he whispers.

“Niall. You’re beautiful. You’re absolutely stunning. The fact you can’t see that- well- it baffles me-“  
“-Haz-" he groans but I cut him off.

“-Shhhhh. You need to hear this. You are the sunshine and it’s brightness. You are the stars and their beauty. You are the moon and it’s guidance. You are the water and it’s life source. You are the wind and it’s freedom. You are the fire and it’s desire. And you are the earth and it’s humble-ness. You are everything I aspire to be and so much more. I love you and you are gorgeous” I tell him honestly and feel him melt into my arms as I hold him tightly.

I kiss the side of his neck a few times and he moans gently as my lips graze his sweet spot.

“You might change your mind- if I tell you-"  
“-If it’s because you’re small down there, I don’t care-"

 

“-It's not. Well- it is small. You know that. But- I- I only have- um- one testicle. I was- was diagnosed with testicular cancer when- when I was 14 and- and they had to remove the l-l-left t- um- testicle. It- it makes me kinda -self conscious of my um- my body.” He whispers so quietly I barely hear him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy holidays!!!
> 
> Let me know what you think!!!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is anyone actually reading this? Hahaha
> 
> Anyway here's the next part!!
> 
> Let me know what you think!!
> 
>  
> 
> Also, would anyone have guessed English isn't my first or even second language? I feel like I make many grammar errors, but I try my best for you guys!

Harry pov

After Nialls confession, I’m stunned. I don’t know why, but I never imagined anyone else I knew to have gone through cancer and it’s poisonous form. But he has. And he’s come out fighting. He’s come out in one piece. Almost.

I realise I haven’t responded when his head falls and he faces the floor, like he’s ashamed.

“Babe? Look at me darling. You haven’t scared me away. Or disgusted me. I’m just admiring your bravery and- and I guess I’m just overwhelmed by how amazing you are. You've been through so much and- and not only do you take it all in your stride but- but you do it with a smile. You’re like the sunshine. My little sunshine, yeah?” I smile at him and then peck his lips.

“Y-you really think that?”

“Of course I do! You’re amazing babe. Honestly amazing. And- I know you’re insecure about your body- and I understand why- but- but just so you know, the fact you only have one testicle, doesn’t make me love you any less.”

“You say that now-" he shrugs but I cut him off before he can continue being negative. It genuinely doesn’t bother me. He’s gorgeous just the way he is. I fell in love with him before seeing his body and you can’t miss what you never had. I never had him with two testicles, meaning when we become intimate, I won’t miss anything.

“-I say that always. I love you and this makes no difference to how I feel about you.”  
“I love you too" he says with a shy smile and I kiss his lips gently again.

“Also Nialler, balls are like a salad yeah? Your dicks the steak and that’s what you really wanted and the balls are the side salad. You wouldn’t just buy it on its own, but since its there you’ll have a little nibble. Then again, if it’s not there, no biggy" Louis shrugs and Niall looks both amused and mortified.

“Did you just compare my junk to steak and salad?”  
“Yup. Deal with it. Now, you two have a class and you’re leaving early in the morning. So get packed, make up, fuck if you have to and be happy. And Harry, if you hurt him again, you’re dead" Louis says casually as he leaves the dorm room with a cackle. It doesn’t phase me. I have no intentions of hurting Niall again, or keeping anything from him.

 

 

I help Niall pack the last bits of his stuff, as he'd started unpacking some stuff when I lied - with the intent to still go to Ireland and stay there for the full 2 and a half weeks. I take his rucksack to my dorm before we head off to our classes. He’s sleeping at mine tonight as we're getting the tube and train early tomorrow morning, in order to make it for our plane on time.

My class goes fairly quickly, we study the left hemisphere and the uses it has for the brain and how it impacts our behaviour. It’s quite interesting, despite the fact that I’m literally the only person listening and making notes. But to be fair, even the teacher looks like she’s already in holiday mode so she’s probably not bothered that I’m the only one listening. And to be honest, I don’t care if I look nerdy. I love this subject and I want to learn more about it and actually pass with a decent grade. One that I’m proud of and didn't just scrape a pass for.

I head over to meet Niall after his music lesson and hover outside whilst he finishes up.  
“So Niall will you be performing in the show? There will be music and record labels there, scouting for new talent.” Nialls teacher tells him and I can feel Nialls shrug from here and chuckle to myself at the unfazed looks he’s most definitely supporting.

The thing I’ve learned about Niall, is that he’s a very chilled out person. There isn’t much that phases him or makes him show feeling and emotion. He’s sensitive for sure. Balled his little eyes out at Finding Nemo. But it takes a lot to get him angry or upset. But it takes even more to make him SHOW it. He isn’t a robot by any means, but he plays his cards close to his chest.

Which is why I’m surprised when he seems interested in the show.  
“Do you think I even have a chance?”

“Of course you do! Not many people can play four instruments and have perfect pitch to sing" his teacher, Mrs Richards – my brain supplies- tells him and that shocks me. I didn’t know Niall could play more instruments than the guitar. He's only ever played the guitar in front of me. But he can sing perfectly as well?! He never told me that.

“I’ll think about it” he says casually.

“Can you give me a snippet of your exam song?” she prods, clearly trying to coax him into the show and Niall sighs but I see him put his bag down, through the window in the door, and go sit near the piano. He looks reluctant at first and I can tell he’s debating leaving or playing. He sighs softly. It’s strange because, no one can force Niall Horan to do anything he doesn’t want to do. He’s so confident and assured of himself, that if he doesn’t want to do something, he won’t do it. Sure, most of his confidence is an act, but it’s still there, behind everything he does. Yet he looks conflicted.

Despite his hesitation, he plays. The first few keys falling slowly, like he’s unsure of the keys, but after 10 seconds his pace picks up and he relaxes a little into the song.

I didn’t think it was possible to love this boy anymore than I already do, until he started singing.

“Looking back through changes where we started from. Don't know about you but I knew it was wrong. You know I kept a place for you in my mind. Now I know you did the same 'cause you're just the kind.  
So if we knew all along, why did it take so long? I've known since we were young. So why did it take so long? You know you make me feel loved, make me feel like I'm home. So if we knew all along, why did it take so long?

Moving on, you and I started looking back. Now we've got to make up for all the wasted time. You know I'd never let you just walk on by. From the day that I met you I knew you'd be mine.

So if we knew all along, why did it take so long? You've known since we were young. So why did it take so long?”

 

“That’s all I’ve got" he shrugs again and it makes me laugh quietly to myself, that after singing such a beautiful song, he would simply stop the piano abruptly and say that’s it.

“Well aside from the harsh ending, that was an amazing start to a song. You should be really proud. Is it about Zayn?” she smiles as Niall stands up and gathers his things once again. My heart clenches. I never imagined the song would be about his ex.

“No, it’s about Harry. I liked him from the day I met him but, I was with Zayn and he didn’t want to rush me once me and Zayn actually split up."  
“He seems a lovely young man.”  
“He is" Niall smiles gently and Mrs Richards glances over to the door to make my presence known.

“How long you been there?” Niall grins as he heads over.  
“Few minutes” I shrug, like it’s not a big deal.  
“You heard the song?”  
“Yeah! It was really good! You never told me you can sing and play four instruments” I chastise him as I loop my arm over his shoulder. He quickly says bye to the teacher before we set off walking to my dorm.

“Didn’t think I was any good” he laughs but I can tell he means it. He reaches his soft hand out and laces his fingers with mine.  
“You are. Believe in yourself more" I grin whilst squeezing his hand. He laughs and squeezes back.

 

We order a Chinese take out and in bed by 10pm. Don’t judge us. We have to be up at 4am to leave at 4:30am. A.M. AS IN, IN THE MORNING.

 

Niall falls asleep first. His soft breathing evening out as he slides into the lulling world of sleep. His breath fanning out over my chest from where his heads nestled into me. He sighs in content and laces his fingers through the few chest hairs I’ve managed to grow, which makes me laugh a little and kiss his head gently.

I fall asleep not long after.

 

 

When Nialls alarm goes off at 4 am we both groan in protest but make no attempt to get out if bed. I nudge Niall gently but he just whines at me and snuggles closer. His leg moves further over my hips and I can feel his erection pressing into my thigh, which is incredibly hot and I really want to get it on with him but it’s early and he’s not ready so I just think of dying kittens to will my own cock to stay soft.

I nudge him again a few times until he comes round. We have a cuddle and kiss softly for a few minutes whilst Niall tries to go back to sleep, but I card my fingers through his hair and scratch my nails into his scalp to wake him up.

“Too early" Niall whines as I push him off of me to get out of bed.  
“I know babe. C'mon. Tube leaves in-like 20 minutes” I yawn.

Neither of us speak whilst we get dressed and have coffee. It’s not awkward and it’s not because we don’t want to speak to each other, it’s because we’re both tired and falling asleep in the coffee Niall made.

Niall puts some thick black framed glasses on and shies away from making eye contact with me. Like he’s ashamed of wearing glasses. But I knew he wore them. Well, I’ve known he wears contacts, I’ve seen them in his eyes. His eyes must be too sore to put them in. I give Niall a quick kiss and tell him he looks sexy in glasses and he should consider wearing them permanently. He blushes and shoves me away from him with a fond smile.

I grab my duffel bag and Niall pulls his ruck sack over one shoulder as he stiffles a yawn behind his hand as we head out to the tube stop. Luckily it’s only a few minutes from my dorm room so we don’t have to stand in the cold for too long. The tube arrives and I pay for us on whilst Niall collapses at a table set and lays his head on the table. I shake my head at him with a smile before joining him. After a few minutes he shoves me near the window so he can lean on me, I place my legs sideways on the seats and he sits in between my legs, back to my chest. We both fall asleep again.

 

It’s an hour or so later when I wake up and luckily we haven’t reached our stop yet. I order myself and Niall a coffee from the on-board cafe and wake Niall up as we're getting off in 10 minutes. Niall groans at me again but smiles and kisses me when I show him the coffee.

“I’m tired” he yawns.  
“Me too babe. You can asleep on the train and plane if you want” I grin and peck his lips gently.  
“I plan to.”

We exit the tube and have to wait 40 minutes for the train which is a ball ache. But we get some crisps and more coffee from the shop which kills 25 minutes of time. Luckily the train arrives early, so we can get comfortable for the last 10 minutes whilst we wait for it to take off.

We get seated again how we did on the tube but this time we both have our head phones in whilst we sleep.

 

I don’t know where I am or what time it is when Niall nudges me awake. He takes off my head phones and kisses my jaw softly before whispering that I need to wake up. I sigh but do and kiss him back slowly.  
“You taste like coffee" he giggles.  
“You taste like Quavers” I smirk.  
“Touché”

I stay sitting sideways whilst Niall turns to face the table, he lays his legs over one of my legs, as he's still sitting between them, and I can see him playing a game on his phone.

God I want to take him on this table. In those fucking glasses.

 

“Mommy! Why is that boy kissing that boy?” a young girl sat diagonal from us, asks her mother. Her mother glares at me and frown at her as Niall looks up confused.

“Because they’re- friends”. The mother replies and I scoff with an eye roll but say nothing about it. It’s her kid. If she wants to raise her to be rude and ignorant, like she is, who am I to stop her.

“But you don’t kiss your friends”

“Stop it Amanda. Eat your fruit" the mother snaps.  
“Leave her be Georgia. Mandy love, they look to me like boyfriends. That’s like me and mummy yeah? They’re together like me and mummy but they’re both boys." A man near them explains.

“Okay daddy. They look happy. Are they happy?” Amanda smiles.

“Do they look happy?” the dad asks and Amanda looks at me and Niall, staring us both in the eyes before nodding And saying “They’re in love. They’re really happy. I can tell".

 

 

We get off at the next stop and Amanda smiles at us both, so does her father, which is lovely and we both smile back.

We make the small walk from the train station to Heathrow airport, terminal 1.

 

This is the bit I hate. Airports.

We check in and leave our bags to be boarded onto the plane and head through passport control and all the other security measures they have. Scans. Swabs. Screening. Until finally we pass duty free and head to get some breakfast before our flight.

We both get pancakes, Nialls with gravy and mine with syrup, from a cafe in the airport. The food is nice but it’s very over priced, as always.

As we're sipping our orange juices, our gate gets called so we quickly pay the bill and head over to gate 6 ready to board the plane.

“I’m nervous about meeting your family" I mumble as we hand the lady at the check in our passports and boarding passes.

“They’ll love you. I do, so I don’t see why they wouldn’t” he shrugs.

 

 

The plane ride is long and squashy and I’m never flying with Ryanair again. This is the first and last time I’m flying with their airline. I usually fly with Thomas Cook or TUI but Niall insisted we go with Ryanair for the cheap flights.

I put my foot down and said no. I wear the trousers in this relationship. I clearly don’t, as you can see.

 

 

When we get off the plane in Ireland and go through the passport checks, the nerves really start to kick in. Even more so when Nialls mum and brother meet us at the gate to pick us up. I can tell his mother doesn’t like me. It’s probably all the tattoos, the fur lined jacket and man bun. After all, I look like a spoilt brat that only wears Gucci, whilst they're all in jeans and jumpers with wellies on.

“Niall. War' ar’ ‘is wellies lad? ‘E won’ las’ 5 minutes in these ‘ere down pars’ in ‘is fancy boots" Nialls brother laughs and it takes me a while to figure out what he said. His accent is so thick and broad! So much different to Nialls. However, it’s similar to how Nialls is when he’s just woken up or is really tired or emotional.  
“Haz? Yah’ brough' wellies, right?” Niall asks, grabbing his own from his ruck sack and swapping his trainers for them. He pulls on some thick socks first, then his blue wellies and shoves the trainers in his bag.

“Um- no?”

“Di' yah’ forge’ ‘em lad?” Nialls brother asks and I shake my head at him.

“I don’t own any wellies” I mumble and his brother looks sympathetically at my feet, Niall looks guilty for forgetting to tell me and his mum looks at me like I’m going to get eaten alive in Ireland.

“We ca’ stop at Jimmy’s on t’e way ‘ome yah? Grab him some t’ere” Nialls brother offers and I smile as a thank you.  
“Hazza, this is Greg and me mam, Maura. Mam, Greg this is Harry” Niall introduces us and we all shake hands and exchange pleasantries before heading off to the car.

Greg keeps poking Nialls glasses and I can see him get a little upset by the teasing. He keeps putting his head down and it breaks my heart. So I skip up to him, lay one arm around his shoulder and kiss his neck softly, whispering “You look so stunning baby. Those glasses are doing things to me." He blushes and bites his tongue seductively before whispering “Maybe later we can have cuddles, and I’ll wear them for you.”

“Please do" I moan quietly and bite his ear a little before we get into the car.

Nialls smile doesn’t falter the whole way and I’m taking that as a personal victory.

 

They do stop and pick me up some wellies, Niall volunteering to go out into the rain to get them whilst we all wait in the car. It’s so awkward without him that as soon as I see him come back with some black wellies in a bag, I let out an internal sigh of relief and we all cheer out loud before we carry on with our journey.

I quickly change into my wellies as I haven’t seen a single person not wearing them since being here, and I don’t want to look odd. The only down side being that I don’t have any thick socks to hand so my feet may get a little cold.

“You alright Hazza? You’re quiet” Niall hums into my ear before kissing my cheek, cradling the other side of my face with a cold but comforting hand.  
“Nervous" I whisper.  
“Don’t be. They’ll love you babe" he reassures but I don’t feel like they even particularly like me at the moment.

“Can’t wait to get home. We having a roast for tea?” Niall asks his mother.  
“Yah we are" Maura confirms.  
“Sounds good. We in my old room yeah?” Niall grins and Maura hums but doesn’t verbally answer, making me frown. Niall, however, seems oblivious and keeps grinning as he points out places in Ireland.

“That’s my old leavers school, Coláiste Mhuire, Catholic boys school" he mumbles as we drive past a run down looking high school. Luckily Niall explained their schooling systems to me before hand, so I don’t have to look like an idiot, by asking what he means.

“That’s my old gym. Only went twice though” he cackles as we drive past a small building with a water bottle as the logo. It’s pretty new compared to everything else we’ve passed, and you can clearly see people through the windows on treadmills and cross-trainers.

“That’s where I broke my arm in three places" he laughs as we pass a large half torn down castle. He tells me that he was dared to climb to the top and one of the rocks fell, then so did he and he landed on his arm.

“This is amazing Ni" I smile. And I mean it. It is. The atmosphere is a little stale still and I genuinely don’t think his mother likes me, though Greg has spoke to me a few times. But I’m loving learning more and more about him and his life. Learning about how he became the man he is.

 

 

We arrive at Maura’s house and I grab Nialls bag from the boot as all his friends are gathered in the drive. And there’s a lot of them. But I didn't expect anything less. Niall is the sun shine and everyone loves him, so it makes sense that he’s surrounded by people.  
Niall dives out of the car and is immediately dragged into a cuddle with about 8 other boys who are around our age. Niall laughs and hugs them back before escaping and dragging me over to them. He takes his bag off of me on the way and kisses my lips.

“Thanks pet"  
“No worries love"

“Oi! He gets you pretty much all year-!”  
“-Yeah!”  
“We only get you for a few days!”  
“Don’t hog him!”  
“Share him would you?”

“Okay. Okay. Sorry lads. Guys this is Harry, Harry these are the guys. Deo, Sean, Ashton, Rory, Nathan, Logan and Joey" Niall introduces us and points to each guy as he says their name.

“Where'd yah’ fin’ t’is ‘un?” Joey laughs.  
“Straigh’ ou'a Gucci?” Nathan ponders.  
“E’s fit" Deo nods, approvingly.  
“Is t’at a man bun?” Sean asks, eye brow raised questioningly.

“Oi. Harry is my choice and I love him. I know you're just teasing but he doesn’t know that. And I don’t want you upsetting him, yeah?” Niall warns them and then offers me a little smile which is immediately returned. I’m actually grateful he defended me as I was starting to feel very self conscious and judged. But I know they’re only joking now, so I’ll remember to take everything they say, lightly.

“Right, we're gonna dump our bags then we can go for a few pints with the lads yeah?”  
“Sounds good love" I smile.

 

Maura leads us inside the house and I can’t help but compare the two greeting exchanges I’ve witnessed. Niall didn’t even cuddle his mother or Greg when he met them, but he practically dived on his friends and cuddled them for a long time. Maybe it’s the psychology side of me, but I’m starting to question whether Niall is actually close to his mother and brother.

Niall nudges me and brings me back to my senses.  
“You good babe? Sort’a zoned out on me" he laughs.  
“Yeah. Yeah sorry. Just a bit tired” I grin.  
“Okay babe. We can stay in if you want? Have a nap and go out later or tomorrow?”  
“No, no it’s fine. Honest babe"  
“Okay H. Give me your bag, I’ll take it up" he offers and slips my bag off of my shoulder before I can protest.

 

“Niall?! Harry is in Greg’s old room" Maura shouts whilst Niall is half way up the stairs case. I can see him physically tense before he stops, places the bags down and comes down stairs (presumably to argue with his mother.)

“You said he was in with me" Niall argues as he goes into the living room. I hover in the doorway.  
“No dear. I said Zayn would be in with you. Harry isn’t Zayn, now is he?”  
“No, he obviously isn’t. I’ve been with Harry for 8 months now-"  
“-How long were you with Zayn?”

“That’s irrelevant. I’m not with him anymore. I’m with Harry, who I love and who loves me. All we want to do is share a room-" Niall snaps and I can see him losing his cool.  
“You and Zayn can-"  
“- Zayn isn’t coming! I hate Zayn. He broke my heart and treat me like dirt. I love Harry and he makes me so happy mum, isn’t that what you want for me?”  
“I want you to give Zayn another chance. Such a lovely boy-"  
“- No! No he isn’t. He used to emotionally and mentally abuse me. Why would you want me to go back to that? All me and Harry want is co cuddle with each other at night, that’s it-"  
“-You say that-"  
“-It's true. We haven’t had sex or done anything sexual yet. Please mum, come on" Niall pleads but she’s having none of it.

“He’s in Greg’s room" is all she says before walking off into the kitchen.

“Babe, babe it’s fine. Okay? I’ll still see you through the day. Come on, let’s go for that pint" I assure him. He smiles a little but I can tell he’s still pissed off with his mother and maybe even a little upset that she doesn’t trust him.

 

Niall takes the bags up and we head out to join the other boys outside. They lead the way to the pub, chatting about old stories and laughing about new ones and I can see Niall loosen up immediately. His shoulders are less tense and he slips his hand into mine, swinging them lightly as we walk.

“Heads up, I’m a light weight when it comes to drinking” I warn them as we make it to one of the pubs. It seemed a long walk to be honest, I imagined there to be a pub on every corner in Ireland, but apparently not. My feet are a little cold in the wellies from such a long walk in the rain, but at least they're dry.

“Oh god. Don’t worry babe, I’ll carry you home" Niall laughs as we make our way inside.

“Why is the pub so far away?” I grumble.

“It’s not. This is one of the further pubs. We do a pub crawl, so obviously, you start furthest away from home and head back through the pubs" Deo grins and I laugh at the completely bonkers (but logical) explanation.

 

We gather around one of the tables for 5 people and pull up 4 extra chairs. It’s squashy but my god, I’ve never felt more at home than I do with Niall and these complete strangers.

Niall orders a round of pints. Then another.

 

 

 

We then move onto the next pub that has a pool table and Niall immediately places his €1 into the machine to play as the others order more pints.  
“Who’s having a game?” He grins.  
“Nah mate" Deo laughs and sits down with the others.  
“Not a chance. You’re a fucking pro or some shit” Nathan laughs from where he’s sat sipping a pint. He hands two to me, one for me and one for Niall.

“Haz?” 

“I’ve never played. I’ll have a game with you, but you’ll have to guide me through it" I shrug and his whole face lights up like a child at Christmas.  
“We'll do doubles then. Sean, you in?” Rory grins and they both make their way over.

“Isn’t that unfair on Niall? He’s basically on his own and he has a liability in me, as I’ve never played before. I don’t even know any of the rules" I frown.

“I’ll be fine pet. We’ve got this" Niall smirks and presses his lips to mine for a not very quick make out session.  
“Hmmm. Game. Game before I lose all focus" I moan after a few minutes.

“I have enough skill and focus for the both of us baby" Niall winks and it gets me slightly harder.

Sean sets up the coloured balls into the triangle and Niall rubs some chalk on his cue before blowing the top of it softly and getting the white ball set behind a line.

“Okay, so, basic rules. We flip a coin to see who breaks and then we try and pot a ball until we're assigned spots or stripes. We take turns trying to pot our balls, if we pot one we get another shot. If we don’t, it’s the next teams turn. If you pot the white ball the other team gets two shots and can put the ball anywhere behind ‘this’ white line. First team to pots all their balls and then black wins. But, if you pot black and the white goes in after, the other team wins. Also, if you pot black before all our teams balls have been pot, the other team wins. Don’t look so scared babe, I’ll guide you through it" Niall explains as the other team get their cues ready.

“Okay. That actually makes sense but I don’t think I’ll remember all of that” I blush.  
“It’s okay babe. I’ll be right here the whole time.”

 

Nathan flips a coin and Niall calls heads as Sean calls tails.

 

Heads.

 

“Okay baby, we're breaking. Do you want to break?” Niall smiles as he offers me the cue.  
“Um- sure" I whisper. How hard can it be, right?

Wrong.

Very hard is the answer.

 

I hit the white ball but only as a skim and it barely moves past the white line. Sean and Rory grin as I wince.  
“It’s fine babe. Don’t worry” Niall assures me.  
“He can take it again” Rory offers and Niall thanks him, then moves the ball back behind the line.

“Okay, line up your shot. Make a V out of your fingers on your left hand and rest the cue on them. Good. Yeah. Okay. Your right hand is the power. So do a few practise shots to get the rythum. Put your right hand a bit further back. Yeah. Okay. Lean forwards a bit more. Okay, bend your knees a bit. Okay, are you lined up?” Niall directs me and I follow each direction as best I can.

“I think so" I mumble. I feel Niall stand behind me to check.

“Yeah. You're good babe. Whack it as hard as you can” he encourages and I do. I whack it. It does actually hit the triangle this time and a few of the balls separate.

“Nice, well done pet" Niall praises before downing half his pint in one mouthful.  
“Thanks love"

Sean shoots next and pots a spot. He then gets another turn and pots another one. Then another. Then another. Then he flukes and misses.

“You’ve been practising” Niall smirks.

I’m not as ease at much. Sean has just potted 4 balls. They’re winning by a mile.

“They’re gonna win aren’t they" I pout at Niall who just laughs and pecks my lips.  
“Not a chance.”  
“They’re a mile a head"  
“So. I’ll catch us up babe. Then we'll win" he shrugs.

He lines up for the yellow ball and pelts the white into it, causing the yellow to sink into the pocket. He then pots the red. Followed by blue and green (in one shot!!) He then pots orange, followed by brown. He misses the last ball we have, which is purple. But I know he did it on purpose.

“You’re up” he smirks.  
“Why’d you miss? You could have easily shot that" Rory laughs.  
“Want haz to have a go shooting" he shrugs and finishes his pint.  
“Awe. Thanks love” I smile and then sip my own pint.

Rory pots one ball then white meaning I get two shots.

“Okay baby. You can only hit and purple. Okay? If you miss it though or hit any other ball first, they get two shots"  
“Okay"  
“Line it up. Yeah, left a bit. Okay, tap it gently”  
“Is the angle right though? I feel like I’m gonna miss this” I pout. I don’t want to fuck up in front of his friends.

 

Niall coos at me before placing my pint on the table (that he’s been drinking! I don’t mind) and walking over to me. He stands behind me and places his right hand on the cue, just under mine. His other arm comes around me to hold the front of the cue to line it up.

 

He’s going to do the cliché boyfriend helping thing, isn’t he. He is. But it’s really really hot. So I don’t mind. Even if I do imagine it looks quite funny as I’m nearly a foot taller than Niall.

 

“Hang on. Okay babe. Angle your body this way” he whispers, nudging my body with his hips.  
“Okay" I choke out quietly. Does he have to press his junk against my arse because holy shit, I’m getting hard. I get slightly harder when I feel Nialls hard cock pressing against my arse. Oh god, he’s hard too.  
“Okay, so move your arm carefully and tap it, like, this" he whispers into my hear and I’m so blissed out I don’t even realise he’s guided the shot and potted the ball.

“Okay, black is all yours pet" he grins and slowly moves away from me.  
“Okay. Okay. Sure" I stutter but line up to shoot the black ball.

 

I pot it. Which actually surprises everyone on the table, myself included. And then of course, the white ball follow, meaning we’ve lost.

 

“Oh shit" I grumble.  
“It’s fine babe. Come on, another game?”

We play another 7 games. We win all 7 but let’s be honest, it was all Nialls doing.

Sean, Nathan, Deo, Logan and Ashton head home not long after. Sean and Nathan go first. Around half an hour later Deo heads home with some lass he’s picked up. An hour after that Logan has to go home as his mum keeps calling him. And Nathan leaves about an hour after that.

Leaving myself, Niall, Rory and Joey.

We have another three pints each before heading home.

“See yah' ‘morrow. La's" Niall slurs a little. But he’s defiantly the most sober out of the pair of us.  
We’re both slurring and stumbling as we try and make it back to Mauras house.

“I love you Niall" I slur into his ear as he struggles to keep us both upright.

“I love yah' too pet"

“What’s a pet? Is that good- to- to you?” I hiccup and Niall bursts out cackling before pulling me out of the road I’ve wandered into.

“It means, it’s like a pet name. It means love in Irish. So, so you call me love and I call you the Irish version of that, which is pet" he grins.

“Ooooh. I get it! I love you” I grin

“I love you pet”

“Shout it! Tell the whole world” I dare him. I pull away from him and stand in the pouring rain with my arms out stretched telling him to shout his love for me.  
He laughs and makes his way over to me, loops his arms around my neck and stands on his tip toes to kiss me. He then leans round to my ear and whispers “I love you.”

I pout at him.

“I wanted you to shout it! Declare it to the world" 

“You are my world Haz" he says softly and I almost melt at his sincerity and heart melting moment.


	7. Chapter 7

Niall Pov

 

We somehow make it back to my mum’s house. How, I have no idea. Considering Harry’s two sheets to the wind and I’m not much better. But we make it. That’s the main thing.

I clumsily unlock the door whilst Harry is making out with my neck and it’s ridiculously hot and I can’t concentrate on anything but the bruise he’s making on my skin, but I finally turn the key and manage to get us both inside.

“Haz? Yah need t-t’ be quiet. ‘Kay babe?” I whisper and he nods lazily into my neck but keeps kissing me and licking over the new bruise, making me realise he isn’t actually listening. I whine a little as he bites down on the already sensitive skin and I feel him smirk into my neck. Which is hotter than it should be.

“I love you Niall" he moans into my neck and I fall backwards from his body weight pushing me into the wall. Only we miss-judge where the wall is and fall on the steps. Luckily it’s not loud or too painful.  
“I love yah too ‘arry" I giggle, after remembering I didn’t respond to him.

“Wh- why are we sat down?” he frowns as he takes in where I’m sat on the stairs and he’s laid over me.  
“We fell" I laugh.

“Oh. Are you hurt?” He frowns and kisses my lips softly.  
“Nah Haz. I’m fine. C’mon. Let’s go t’ bed.” I encourage. He grins at me and stands up before helping me up. Awe. Such a gentleman.

We both take our wellies off and dump them on the shoe rack before working up the courage to climb mount Everest. Aka: the stairs.

“I don’t wanna go to bed" he pouts once we're both fully standing. He’s swaying slightly from the alcohol and I know I’m not much steadier on my feet. But I reach out to try and steady him anyway.

“Why not? It’s late pet. Aren't yah tired?”  
“Yes. But- I don’t get to snuggle with you” he whines.  
“Can yah keep a secret?” I whisper and his eyes go wide but he nods frantically.

“I don’ wann’na either. So, if you’re super quiet, yah can snuggle in wi’ me. But shhhh! It’s our secret!” I whisper. He nods his head frantically and presses his lips firmly against mine before pulling me upstairs to my room.

When he gets to the top of the stairs I pull him into my room, after realising he hasn’t actually been in my bedroom yet and doesn’t know which room it is.  
He tip toes in and I turn the light on so we can get changed easier. I pull my shirt off and prompt Harry to do the same, only he looks too busy admiring my bedroom. 

I close the door and walk further into my room.

It’s pretty standard; bed, wardrobe, old guitar in the corner and Irish flag above my bed. That’s it. Everything else is at my dad’s or my dorm room in London.

“It’s very empty” he mumbles and it causes me to laugh a little. I’m not offended. I know it’s a bit boring and doesn’t really represent me as a person. But I don’t mind. I hardly spend any time here. So I don’t actually care.  
“I know babe. All me stuffs a’ dad’s or in London” I shrug.

“You don’t get on with your mum, do you?” He mumbles and I shake my head.

“She wa’ never t’ere fer me. She hated me fer being gay. She t’en hated me fer the cancer as I wa’ a burden and she ‘ad to quit ‘er job. I lef’ t’ live wi’ me dad when I was 10. So- dunno- I t’ink she hated t’at I got on wi’ dad better t’an her” I shrug once again. I take my glasses off and rest them on the bedside table, squinting as my eyes sight level suddenly drops.

“I’m sorry” he whispers and pulls me into his arms. He buries my face in his neck with his hand and buries his own face in my neck. He’s trembling slightly and I can tell he’s hurt for me that my mum hates me.

“Don’t be. I have me dad. And Louis and you now, I’m good babe" I smile.  
“Okay, love. Can we snuggle now?” He mumbles into my neck and stiffles a yawn into my neck.  
“O’ course”

Harry pulls his own shirt off over his head and drops it onto the floor before collapsing face first onto my bed.

“Jeans?” I laugh and he groans but rolls over onto his back and peeks one eye open to look at me.

“Have you got some joggers?”

“No babe. Sleep in boxers, i-if you’re comfy doin’ t’at” I whisper and he opens both eyes questioningly. I’m guessing it’s to make sure I’m comfortable with that.  
“Are you sure? Are you comfy with that?” He frowns.  
“I am, ‘f you are" I say nervously. I am ready for that. I’m ready to have sex with him, not tonight as we're both drunk, but I am ready. I know he won’t judge me or my body. So I'm not scared anymore. I trust him and I love him.

 

He opens his arms out to me and when I hold his hands he pulls me on top of him on the bed.  
I giggle and land with a little “ugh" as my body collides with his. I slide off of him so I’m laying at the side of him, wedged in between him and the wall.

“Hi" he whispers.  
“Hi" I giggle.

“I love you”  
“I know. Yah keep tellin’ me haha. But I love yah too Harry”  
“Can I?” He mumbles and I frown at him before glancing over his whole body and seeing his hands hovering over his zipper.

I nod my head slightly and he pops the button on his jeans, before sliding the zip down. His fingers hook in the waist band and he slowly slides the jeans down his hips and thighs. Not once does he break eye contact. His gorgeous green eyes boring into my blue ones with such intensity it makes my knees go weak.  
Once the jeans are off he drops them to the floor and stretches out like a long cat with gangly limbs, a few bones crack but it sounds more satisfying than cringe worthy.

“Do- do you want some joggers?” He asks softly and it’s only then that I realise, I haven’t taken mine off. Or even attempted to.

I shake my head gently and take a deep breath.  
“Babe- you don’t have to-"  
“-I wan’ t’. ’m just nervous” I whisper.

“May I?” He asks quietly, laying one hand over my tummy and the other holding the side of my cheek. I know what he's asking. He’s asking if he can take them off.

I nod my head slowly, never breaking eye contact.

He kisses my lips softly, inviting me into a soft and reassuring embrace. It’s nice. Nice and easy and there doesn’t feel like a ton of pressure. I feel his hand carefully pop open the button on my jeans and automatically tense up.

He stops immediately, moving his hand away from my groin before rolling over so he’s in top of me, legs laid in between mine and chest over my chest. He's resting his upper body on his elbows, probably so he doesn’t squash me. Awe. Even partially drunk he looks after me.

“We don’t have to-"  
“-I wan’ t‘. I don’t- I don’t wan’ t’ have sex. But I want to see yah. And- and I’d really like yah to- to see me. ‘F yah wan’ t'.”

“I want to" he whispers. Like it’s a secret between me and him. A secret he’s willing to hold onto and never share with anyone. It warms my heart and melts my bones at the same time.

He finishes popping the button and pulls the zip completely down. He doesn’t break eye contact.

I can feel my breathing quicken up when he tugs my jeans down, but I don’t stop him. I want this.

He finally gets my jeans down my legs and drops them to the floor. Eyes full of lust, practically black from how dilated they've have gone. 

He kisses my lips softly, thumb rubbing over my tummy soothingly as he makes his way inside my mouth.

“Ugh" I moan softly as he plunges his tongue in my mouth and sucks my own into his. He smirks into the kiss and I can feel his erection pressing into my thigh through his boxers.

“I- I think we should stop” he whispers carefully. Like he’s trying to do the right thing even though it’s not what he wants.  
“Y- you don’t want me?”

“I do! I really, really, do babe. I- we're both drunk and I don’t want either of us to regret anything”  
“I won’t, I know that. You’d regret us going further?” I whisper. I try my hardest not to sound offended or upset, but I’m both.

“I won’t regret being with you babe. I want you. I want every part of you. I want to remember this though. I want to make you feel special and loved and I want to remember every part of you. I want to memorize your body. I don’t want our first point of intimacy to be when we're drunk"

“Okay haz, if you’re sure. I’m ready to go further, when we’re both sober” I grin.  
“I love you. I want to take your virginity, but I want it to be special. If we were both sober, I'd be all over you like a rash. But, I'm drunk and so are you”

“I love you too, Haz” I smile lightly. I’m a little disappointed but I admire his honesty and I love him even more for wanting it to be special. And, thinking about it, I respect him for not just going ahead and doing what he wants with me. Even though he’s drunk as well, he’s still an accommodating and polite person. He’s so selfless.

He carefully stands up and stumbles his way over to turn off the Light switch, before making his way back blindly.

He lays down next to me and I shuffle to lay my head on his chest, his arm immediately settling on my waist as he kisses my head.

“Niall?” He whispers a few minutes later, when I’m practically asleep!  
“Hmmm?” I hum, making no effort to wake up.  
“I’m hard"  
“So am I” I chuckle.  
“Tomorrow?”  
“Tomorrow” I agree. He hums lightly before his breathing evens out and I feel his body go slack, a tell tale sign he’s asleep.

I follow a moment later.

 

 

Harry pov

“Ugh. My head hurts” I complain. I make no attempt to get up or even open my eyes, but I can feel Nialls body sprawled out across mine. His face wedged in between my neck and shoulder, chest over my chest and legs splayed in both directions. Essentially, I’m his personal mattress.

It’s ridiculously comfortable.

I can also feel his erection pressing into my own growing cock, which is rather exciting I must say.

“Shhhh! Too ‘arly fer noise” he moans.  
“I need a shower. I stink of beer"  
“Mmmm” he hums but makes no further noise, causing me to chuckle.

 

“Babe? Can you get up so I can shower?” I ask softly and he groans before shaking his head.  
“ ‘M comfy”

“I am too but-"  
“- No buts. Yah' on’y ‘llowed ou’ ‘ta bed on one condition”  
“What’s that?” I grin. He’s going to make me make him breakfast in bed again.

“I shower wi’h you” he whispers.  
“You- You’re ready. I know you’ve said before and you did again last night- I remember everything from last night babe. Are you sure you’re ready though and- and you want to?” I cripple check for the 1,000th time.

“I’m ready and I want you”  
“Okay, let’s go then"

We both check our phones, as I have messages from my mum and sister and I think Niall has one as his phone was lighting up (from where we abandoned them at the bottom of the bed, last night.)

 

Getting to the bathroom is easy as it’s literally next door to Nialls room. Niall sticks his head out of the door to his room to check it’s clear, shoves me into the bathroom and casually follows before shutting And locking the door.

He immediately runs the hot water from the shower head, to mask our make out session.

 

 

Niall pov

I kiss Harry gently before things get a little rougher. Not too rough, but just on the right side of rough. Aka, mind blowing.

Harry presses me against the door as he bites along my bottom lip, begging for entrance. I hold out at first and don’t let him in, but he soon makes his way to my shoulder and presses little kisses there. They gradually get harder until he’s sucking a bruise into my shoulder bone causing me to moan loudly.

He immediately moves his face back up to kiss me and this time just straight plunges his tongue in to my mouth. Hands gripping my face lightly and angling my head as I struggle to keep up with the fast pace he’s setting.

I hook my hands in his hair and scratch my nails into his scalp but he moans lightly before grabbing both my hands and pinning them to the door above my head. He shuffles around so he’s holding both wrists to the door with one hand and uses the other hand to stroke my cheek softly.

“I love you” he pulls back to breath into my lips.

I don’t get chance to respond to him as he starts trailing kisses down my body.  
He kisses all over my face, then my shoulders. He holds out each arm individually to kiss down each, before pinning them back above my head.  
He sucks loads of small little bruises into my neck before kissing down my chest. My heart is pounding and my cock is throbbing with need as he trails down my tummy before dropping carefully to his knees.

He sucks a small bruise into my hip bone before kissing over my tummy a few times.  
“Y-you can take them off. I’d like you to" I mumble. I’m not good at being sexy or seductive. I’m like a potato, pretty good but not elegant. Never have been, probably never will be.

“Yeah? I’d like to see you. If I may?”  
“Y-yeah. ‘M really hard though” I blush, quite embarrassed that he could have such an affect on me so quickly.

“Good. So am I. And, I’d like to touch you. If that’s okay?” He says softly never breaking eye contact with me, and I know, I KNOW that if I said no, he would simply stop straight away, pull me into a kiss, get me dressed and take us out for breakfast. I know he would.

“I’d like that. I want that" 

“You can put your arms down if they’re aching babe" he grins and I blush. I’d forgotten they were above my head. I carefully drop them to my sides.

He doesn’t say anything else, he smiles and gently pulls my boxers down my arse and thighs and I feel them pool around my ankles.

 

I take a deep breath and close my eyes.

I can feel him staring at my body. At my cock that’s standing to attention. To my trimmed pubic hair that’s pretty much non-existent in the first place. To my testicle. All alone. Just the one, by itself.

I take a deep breath as I hear and feel him gasp.

He’s shocked. He’s disgusted. He doesn’t want me now. I’m a freak. A scarred up freak with one ball and no testosterone left and no pubes. I’m just a pathetic little boy. Let’s be honest, why would he want me? He’s amazing and funny and drop dead gorgeous and he’s literally the kindest person I’ve ever met. Why would-

“-Stop over thinking babe. I wasn’t gasping. I was sighing. With admiration” he begins and I open my eyes to look at him with a frown. “You’re so beautiful. You're honestly so gorgeous, inside and out and- and I can’t believe I get to call you mine. You’re so perfect Niall" he continues and I blush drastically but smile appreciatively at him.

He kisses the head of my cock softly and I groan as I melt backwards into the door.  
“Hand or mouth babe?”

“What? Either, both. I dunno. Ugh god! I’m so close. Please?” I beg. I’m so confused at the moment. I don’t know what I want. I just know I want something.  
He doesn’t respond verbally but he softly grips my length and gives me a few little tugs before increasing the speed and pressure.

“Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. Harry. God. So good. I’m gonna- gonna cum" I moan. He picks up the speed and adds even more pressure so it’s just border line painful but oh my God. I’ve never cum so hard in my life. 

He grips hold of me with one hand as I feel my balance falter from the force of the orgasm.

I moan far too loud as I spill over his hand, him working me over continuously until I finish, then he let’s go of my cock and kisses it gently.

“Jesus. That was amazing” I pant and he smirks up at me from where he’s nealt on the floor. He stands up and stretches out and that’s when I realise, he’s still hard.

“You haven’t cum" I say stupidly.  
“I know babe. That was about you” he replies easily, guiding me in to the shower. He drops his own boxers and leaves them on the floor with mine before stepping into the shower.

“I usually- I can last longer than that” I stutter as Harry runs his fingers through my hair, getting it wet from the spray of the water.  
“I know babe. Being intimate with new people can throw your stamina “ he smiles.

I smile lightly back at him and he squirts out some shampoo on his hand, and turns me around so my back is to him, before using it to wash my hair.

It feels amazing.

I’m simply standing there under the hot spray of the water, with Harry scratching my scalp as he washes my hair for me. He rinses the shampoo and then applies conditioner. Again, scrubbing it through my hair gently before rinsing it off.

“I’ll do you" I grin and he smiles at me fondly, before turning around so I can wash his hair.

I have to go on my tip toes to reach him but I manage (Just about) to wash his hair.

 

Once I’ve done Harry’s hair, he turns around and grabs the soap as he tries to wash my body; but I pull back. Suddenly feeling very insecure whilst we're both naked. It sounds stupid, but I was okay when it was just me naked, I didn’t have anything to compare my body to. 

But now I do and I feel inferior.

Washing hair was okay, because we both have hair and really, how can hair be inferior. But bodies? They can be.

 

“Too far?” He whispers and I barely hear him over the water splattering onto the shower floor. I hesitate before shaking my head. It isn’t! I’m just stupidly insecure.

“Then talk to me" he says firmly but kindly.  
“You won’t understand” I sigh.  
“Even if I don’t understand, you can talk to me"  
“I’m insecure. And I know I shouldn’t be, but I am. And- and it wasn’t as scary when it was just me, but- but now you are and- and- and you’re gorgeous and I just- I keep comparing us" I ramble on and on, I can feel my eyes welling up with tears and my heart beat is racing and the world feels too fast!

“Wow. Wow. Slow down babe. Is it because we're both naked? Okay, why didn’t you talk to me? Niall, I’m happy to wait babe-"  
“-Because I want you! I want this! My brain is just stupid” I pout and it causes him to chuckle softly.

“You’re beautiful. You are absolutely gorgeous. Inside and out, head to toe. There isn’t one single part of you that I’m not 150 per cent in love with. And I don’t care if I have to tell you 63 times a day until the day I die. I’ll do it. Because someone as stunning as you, should be told regularly and should be made to feel worthy. I love you. I just wish you could see how beautiful you are”

“I’m sorry-" I start to apologise for keeping having these thoughts but he cuts me off.  
“-Don’t be. Everyone has their demons. Everyone has their struggles and insecurities. Just please talk to me. We can get through them together” he smiles at me with the warmest face I’ve ever seen.

“I got issues, you got ‘em too-" I whisper, not expecting him to hear me but he does and continues the next line.  
“-Give them all to me and I’ll give mine to you-" he sings quietly and my jaw drops! I never knew he could sing that amazingly!  
“-Bask in the glory. All our problems-" I sing a little louder with a shy grin.  
“-Cos we got the kind of love it takes to solve them-" he sings a little louder too.  
“- Yeah I got issues-" I sing even louder.  
“-And one of them is how bad I need you” he says gently. Like it’s a secret between me and him.

 

After our little sing along, we wash our own bodies before heading into my room to get changed.

 

I throw on some black jeans and a white v neck, but then put on my blue converse jumper, as I’m cold.  
Harry is dressed in skinny jeans and a leopard print top that’s loosely tucked in. On anyone else, that top would look horrific, but Harry can pull it off. For some unknown reason. Not that I’m jealous. Okay a little. He always looks amazing.

“Where’s your little mind at?” He pulls me out of my thoughts by saying.  
“You look amazing. You always do" I smile and he positively beams at me.

We head down for breakfast (more like dinner) and bump into my mum and Greg already sat at the table.  
“Morning” I yawn.  
“Hello" Harry says politely.  
“Morning boys" mum offers, which is the first nice thing she’s said to him.  
“Sup" Greg mutters, not looking up from his phone.

 

“Wanna drink Haz?”  
“Tea please" he grins and I can tell he’s nervous as he keeps fiddling with the rings on his fingers.  
“Have a seat babe. I’ll bring it over. Want some toast?”  
“That would be lovely. Thanks Niall.” He smiles and takes a seat opposite Greg.  
“No probs"

 

“So w’at did yah two ge’ up t’ las’ nigh’ ?”  
“Not much Mam. Went for some drinks with the lads and played pool" I shrug as I pop four pieces of toast in the toaster. I then head over to the kettle and make Harry a tea and myself a coffee.

“You know I don’t like you playing pool at pubs" she scolds and I feel harry glance over at me questioningly.

“I know because you’re worried I’ll get into a fight again. I won’t. It was a really good night. Even taught Harry how to play pool" I grin. I send Harry a quick wink and an ‘I’ll tell you later look'.

“Are you even any good?” Greg mutters.

“He’s really good! Wiped the floor with everyone last night” Harry says enthusiastically. Bless him. Enthusiasm is lost on my brother and it’s certainly never returned.

 

“Really? Hard to believe you’re good with balls when you only have one. And you’re not out of the woods yet, you’re still in remission, the cancer could still come back and claim the other one" Greg mutters.

 

“Fuck you-"  
“-Language Niall!” mum snaps at me.  
“Me? Seriously? Did you hear what he just said to me?” I gasp. I’m shocked. Not by Greg, unfortunately I’ve heard it all before. But my own mother hasn’t even said anything to him about what he’s said??

“Yes. I won’t have swearing in my house" she snaps once again.  
“You know what? Forget it” I mutter.

“Niall? Where are you going?” mum asks as I make my way out of the kitchen and over to the table. I grab Harry's hand and tug it lightly to get him to come with me. Not that I needed to, he was already stood up when I got to his seat.

“Away from you.”

“I won’t have you speaking to me like that-"

“-But it’s okay for Greg to make Niall feel insecure about his body? For him to so crudely mention Nialls cancer? Something which could have KILLED him. He could have died!” Harry snaps.

“It's okay Haz" I whisper. I appreciate him defending me but it won’t change the tears pouring down my face or the way I feel stupidly inadequate. I cross my arms over my tummy and harry kisses my lips softly, wiping the tears from my cheeks.

“No, it isn’t babe. No, it’s not okay Niall. I’m sorry, I really wanted to make a good impression with your family but I can’t after this. I know you want to see your friends, why don’t be stay in a hotel or a B and B?” he says softly to me and I nod me head, understandingly.  
“We can stay with my dad-"

 

“-No! Niall I’m not losing you to him again!”

 

 

“You don’t have a choice, mum. Because as usual, you’ve taken Greg’s side” I snap.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the delay! I've been super busy!!

Harry pov

After Nialls dramatic (but totally called for) exit, I grab our bags from upstairs whilst Niall washes his tear stained face.

We meet in the garden and Niall grabs his bag with one hand and my hand with the other, then walks firmly with a purpose. I walk quickly to keep up with him and squeeze his hand softly and reassuringly. He squeezes back softly.

His walking falters after 10 minutes and he sighs as he comes to an abrupt stop, dropping his bag to the floor in defeat.  
“Talk to me" I whisper in his ear as I press a few gentle kisses to his head.

“I- we're goin’ to my da’s. Which is fine, I love me da' an' he’ll love you. I jus'- me ma' begged me to stay with her. We haven’t gotten along since the cancer an’ I always stay with dad but she begged me an' I said yeah- cos' cos' I t’ough’ it would be okay. I t’ought she’d make an effort and be nice t’ yah an’ she wa’ horrible an’ I’m so sorry-"

“-Hey! Hey it’s okay. Control your breathing babe. It’s Okay. I don’t blame you for wanting a connection with your mum. I love you and I’m not going to blame you for something you can’t control. Come on, come here baby" I coo as his breathing increases and tears start pouring down his little face again. I pull him into my chest, wrapping my arms tightly around his back and shoulder.

Why the hell does everyone keep making my baby cry!?

“I love you” he mumbles.  
“I love you babe” I hum instantly.

“You’ll like me da'. He’s some man is Bobby Horan" he smiles gently and I chuckle at the adorable little face he’s pulling.

 

We end up getting a taxi to Bobby’s as it’s cold and neither of us can be bothered walking. Which is a good job actually as it has started raining.

The taxi pulls up outside a small semi detached house. It’s small but cute and well looked after. It’s been painted white recently and the grass is freshly mowed with a few flowers bordering it. It’s cute.

“Ready?” Niall smiles as we walk up to the door.  
“Always”

He doesn’t knock. That's the first sign he’s closer to Bobby than he is to Maura. He just walks straight in. With Maura, not only did he knock, but he waited until she answered the door before entering. He didn’t just let himself in.  
“Da?” Niall shouts as we step into the house. He dumps his bag and checks the living room before Bobby shouts back from upstairs.  
“Niall? Is that you buddy?”  
“Yeah da'! Me an' ‘arry are stayin' here. That cool?”  
“O' course bud! Don’t have t’ ask. I’m in the bath. But make ye’rselves at ‘ome. Won’t be long" Bobby calls and I can hear the smile from here.  
“T'anks da'!

“Wan' some food?”  
“Yeah. That would be great"

 

And that’s how Bobby find a us 20 minutes later. Snuggled up on the couch with a mountain of toast on the plate on Nialls knee. Cups of tea resting on the table a foot or so away. Niall is sat with his legs over mine and keeps pressing little kisses to my neck and lips. I lay a hand on his thigh and squeeze gently as a warning when he bites my neck a little. He smirks at me and does it again, earning him another thigh squeeze, only this time slightly harder. Little shit. He knows that turns me on.

“Hiya lads!”  
“Hiya Da'! Niall grins. He makes to get up but Bobby waves a dismissive arm at him and leans over to cuddle him instead of making us move.  
Bobby makes himself a coffee and joins us on couch, helping himself to a piece of toast.

“Hi son, I’m Bobby” bobby grins at me.  
“I'm Harry, it’s lovely to meet you” I smile.  
“He’s a keeper this one” Bobby whispers to Niall and I him shyly.  
“I know da'. He’s going no where” Niall winks at me.  
“Don’t I get a say in this?” I challenge lightly and Niall just leans over and kisses my lips as he mumbles “No".

“You two are adorable” Bobby comments around 20 minutes later and we freeze from where Nialls feeding me toast. Hand frozen mid air, Niall blushes and I smile before leaning in and taking a bite of the toast. Niall looks at me with an amused smile before taking a bite himself.

“I love him” Niall shrugs.  
“I can tell. You don’t share food with anyone” Bobby jokes and Niall laughs.  
“No though. Seriously. I can tell you love him and I can tell he loves you. That's why I haven’t done the “you hurt him I’ll hurt you speech””. Bobby smiles at me.

“I love more than anything. And I know you do. So if I ever do hurt him, I’d expect nothing other than you hurting me” I say honestly. Even though it warms my heart that Bobby trusts me so quickly with his sons heart.  
“I love you too Haz"

 

 

 

The rest of our time in Ireland is spent with me and Niall getting drunk, getting each other off and seeing Ireland.

 

We go to a museum that Niall spent a lot of time in as a kid and he gushes over each of the pieces and what he thought they meant as a kid. He also tells me what each of them represents, as Bobby explained them to him, when they came here.  
“So I thought this was just showing a ship sinking. But me da' explained it to me. He said it’s representing life, so, it’s not the ice burg that causes the ship to sink. Well it is. But they don’t sink because of what’s around them. They sink because they let what’s around them, get inside of them and weigh them down. And it’s not always what's above the surface that causes the damage. Usually, you can’t see the danger until it’s too late".

“Wow. I never looked at it that way” I whisper and Niall grins at me before explaining another one.

 

We play football with Nialls friends and I even manage not to fall over! I don’t score any goals and am no asset whatsoever. But I’m not a liability either. Which I’m taking as a victory and running with it.

 

We go to a Derby County match. Bobby’s Christmas present to Niall was 5 tickets. So me, Niall, Bobby, Joey and Deo went. Bobby insisted Niall take another one of his friends instead of him. But Niall was adamant he wanted Bobby there. I didn’t follow most of it, but the beer was good and the atmosphere was phenomenal. And the grin never left Nialls face, which is a bonus.

 

Niall plays me a song he’s working on, on the guitar. It’s the first song he’s agreed to show me!! The thing with Niall is, he’s very modest. But I also think it’s because part of him doesn’t think he’s any good, so if he doesn’t put himself out there, he can’t be mocked or proven to be bad.

Anyway, we're sprawled out in his room, me spread out laid on his bed and him sat on the bed but against the wall, and he plays me “Nothing holding me back" by Shawn Mendes, which is amazing!

“Play me one of your songs” I whisper with a smile. My eyes are closed as I memorize the blissful moment we're living in. I expect him to say no. Just straight up no, as he has every time I’ve asked before. I haven’t pressed him. He needs to know that when he says no, I respect that.

“What if you don’t like it?"  
“-I'll love it and it will be amazing” I grin as I open my eyes to look at him.

“O-okay. Um. This is Seeing Blind” he stutters before playing the first few cords on his guitar. I open my eyes wider in surprise, but don’t point out this is the first song he’s doing for me. I don’t want to make the situation more scary than it already is for him.

“I have seen, seen it all in paper dreams. Watched it unfold on the screen. But I never understood. I have heard, have heard you speak a million words. Now you're talking to me first. Never thought you would” he sings quietly and I sit up to kiss his lips softly.

“Keep going. This is great" I smile.

“Oh, my, my, you just took me by surprise, and I can't believe my eyes. Oh, I must be seeing blind. Oh no, now you're too good to be all mine. Now I'm looking in your eyes. Oh, I must be seeing blind” he sings with a bit more confidence, but his words are still slightly mumbled, showing his nerves. His voice is slightly louder though and his guitar playing is more relaxed, he’s even smiling lightly as he sings!

“When I was young, my heart was always on the run. But you make lovin' fun. I never knew it could be. I see you, from a different point of view. I feel it's too good to be true. I found my missing piece” he sings even louder and I really really really love this boy.

“Oh, my, my, you just took me by surprise, and I can't believe my eyes. Oh, I must be seeing blind. Oh no, now you're too good to be all mine. Now I'm looking in your eyes. Oh, I must be seeing blind” he finishes.

“That was so good! Why haven’t you played for me before?” I gasp.  
“Dunno? Nervous I guess"  
“Well, I’m not going to tell you not to be nervous, it’s a natural reaction. But, I hope you feel more at ease with me"

“Of course- of course I do! It’s just- I’m embarrassed? This- this song is about you” he replies with a light grin.  
“I? Me? You wrote a song about me?!” I squeal. I sit up properly and dive on him until he’s on his back (after he scolds me to “mind the guitar" and I let him put it safely on the floor) so I’m straddling his waist.

“Sing me the chorus” I mumble into his neck as I use my body weight to pin him to the mattress.

“Oh, my, my, you just took me by surprise - ugh- and I can't believe my eyes- ugh Harry” Niall starts singing for me, little moans escaping his mouth as I kiss up and down his neck. But he stops in favour of rocking his hips into mine for friction.  
“Keep going” I lightly scold him when he stops singing.

“Oh, I must be seeing blind- geez Harry-“  
“- Keep going-" I laugh as I trail lazy kisses down from his jaw and down his neck. He groans at me and I raise a questioning eye brow at him causing him to flop his head back onto the bed with a grunt.  
“-Oh no, now, you're too good too be all mine. Now I'm looking in your eyes. Oh, I must be seeing blind” he rushes out quickly with a whine, hips rocking his hard erection into mine.

“I felt that you rushed MY song baby. Can you sing it again? Properly?” I whisper into his soft lips.   
“No I bloody can’t. Are you getting me off or not?” he laughs, trying to wiggle out from underneath me. He has no chance of moving me. I know it and so does he as he gives up a few seconds later. Just like I know I have no chance of asserting dominance over him. As soft ad he is and as much guidance as he needs, he’s no push over. And is defiantly not a submissive. I don’t mind though. It’s nice having someone challenge my dominance.

“I will. Once you’ve done my song justice” I challenge.

“Harry" he whines.  
“Okay- okay. Only because you’re cute. I do love my song though” I smile and he literally beams at me.

I take Nialls shirt off before abandoning it on the floor somewhere, along with my own that follows. I then make a start removing his jeans whilst his hands make themselves comfortable in my hair.  
“Hurry up” he whimpers and I “shhhhh” him. Partly because I’m going as quick as I can, and we're both in skinny jeans! And partly because I like seeing him begging and being all needy. It’s really hot.

I get both of our jeans off and ditch them on the floor before I remove his boxers and kiss down his stomache.

I trail soft kisses all over his chest and nipples, then trail down his tummy and torso before kissing over his hip bones, all the while mumbling “Beautiful” “Stunning” “Gorgeous” “All mine”  
When I look up to meet his gaze, he’s staring down at me looking very intoxicated (even though he’s sober) and his hands are tightly fisting the duvet next to his legs.

“What?” I grin.  
“I love you”  
“I love you too"

“I wanna give you your Christmas present” he sighs before dropping his head.  
“I thought we agreed-?”  
“-We did. I know. We'll wait into we're in Cheshire. I just hope you like it” he mumbles.

“I’ll love it babe" I smile. I’m kind of thinking it could be something intimate, like his virginity, but if not I won’t be offended and I won’t love him any less. I said from the start that I would wait for him and I stand by my every word.

“It’s not sex. Just- just before I get your hopes up and I disappoint them” he whispers.  
“Okay babe. I won’t be disappointed, no matter what it is. I’ll love it.

“Good. That’s good. I think you’ll like it"

“I’m sure I will. Now, are you going to serenade me with my amazing song? If you do a good job, I’ll have to think of a good way to thank you” I whisper into his neck. The thing about Niall is that he LOVES dirty talk and it gets him instantly hard. He can literally cum from me talking dirty to him for approximately 30 seconds. He’s THAT affected by it. And it’s so fucking hot, watching him spill over himself, untouched, from a few sultry words.

“Ugh. Keep talking and you won’t have to do anything” he jokes truthfully as I wrap my hand around his length and give him a few gentle tugs before working my hand over him at a nice even (but torturously slow) pace.

“Should I let go?” I fake frown and pretend to move my hand away from his leaking cock. He looks absolutely devastated and gives me the biggest pleading eyes he possibly can, which makes me cave and I shuffle down his body until I’m able to take him in my mouth.  
“Ugh. My god Harry! God. So Good. Uuum- please. I can’t- oh my god” he rambles as I relax my jaw and ease him down my throat.

He’s not the biggest I’ve been with and I can take him down my throat really easy, due to him not being huge (He’s about 5 1/2 inches). But I don’t care about size. Just like I don’t care that he's only got one ball. I’m just grateful he’s alive! Even if he’d lost both of them, I wouldn’t think any less of him. It’s not his choice, it’s not his fault. All he could do, was have the removal, endure radiotherapy and chemotherapy – and pray he didn’t die. The fact he’s alive, is all I want because while he’s alive, he’s mine.

I bring a hand up to play with his testicle and he finishes instantly. He’s not used to being touched on it, as he didn’t let Zayn there. It makes me a little smug that he let’s me have that part of him. It also makes me smug as he has an instant finishing spot, which I intend to use to tease him for the rest of my life.

“Dick. You know- know that gets me" he pants.

“I know” I smirk, crawling up his body and kissing his lips softly.  
“Gimme a sec. For you” he replies with lazy grin and I can see he’s practically asleep with bliss.  
“It’s Okay babe" we should get some sleep anyway. Long day tomorrow” I smile, kiss his head and collapse next to him.  
“You never let me finish you” he complains and lightly glares at me.  
“Don't I? Sorry babe. Have at it hahaha" I smile and lay on my back for him to have easier access.

Niall is a lot better at getting me off than he is with his stamina. But that makes sense I suppose as he didn’t let Zayn touch him much, but was always willing to please him. It takes him about a minute to realise I like it medium paced with quite a lot of pressure, bordering painful. He wanks me off for a minute before leaning down and taking my length in his mouth.

Fuck me.

His suction power is immense. He can only take half of me and I realise, after bucking up into his mouth, that he has the worst gag reflex in the world as he pulls off gagging. He gives me a sheepish little grin and I kiss his lips as a sorry before he takes me again. This time I keep my hips still. I stare at the ceiling to hold off a little longer but I feel him reach up and hold my hand, making me look at his adorable little face. He’s staring straight into my eyes, lips wrapped around his braces to stop them digging into me and I just can’t. I can’t even cope with how gorgeous he is!

I last around 5 seconds after looking at him, I quickly pull his hair lightly as a warning and he pulls off the most of my length, only keeping my tip in his mouth and I cum. I cum harder than I have in my life because he’s gorgeous and accommodating and so eager to please!

“Ugh. God. Oh my god" I pant and he sucks me clean before pulling off and flopping next to me on the bed.  
“My name’s not god. It’s Niall” he smirks.  
“Really? Oh, I’ll have to try and remember that” I grin and he laughs before rolling onto my chest and falling asleep pretty much instantly. Once the pounding of my heart settles down, I follow.

 

 

 

We exchange Christmas presents with Bobby and Maura, the night before we leave Ireland. But Niall and I agreed to keep ours for each other until actual Christmas day.

 

Maura got Niall a green football jumper for Derby County which he loved. Niall paid for her to have a nice meal out with 2 of her friends, which cost him a fortune and I don’t feel like she really thanked him properly. But it’s Nialls family so I don’t say anything. Greg doesn’t get him anything. Niall still gives him the watch he bought for around £100, and even hands it over with a smile. Bobby gets Niall a guitar he’s been failing to save for, for the past 2 years. Niall cries. He actually happy cries as he hugs Bobby, chanting over and over again “Thank you so much Da!”

I don’t know much about guitars, if anything. But I know this one is gorgeous and very expensive. Averaging around the £800 mark (I checked online so I could appreciate the value). But Bobby insists Niall deserves it and to not feel guilty about the price.  
Niall gets Bobby an experience day on a fishing boat for him and 3 friends, for 10 hours. Which Bobby is thrilled about!

 

 

When we leave Ireland, Niall cries. He full on cries because he doesn’t want to leave his dad. He’s not too fussed about everyone else. All his friends come to say bye and us and then Bobby drives us to the airport. Maura doesn't see us off. She hasn’t even spoken to Niall since he walked out a week or so ago, baring exchanging Christmas presents. Neither has Greg, but I’m sensing Niall couldn’t care less about him.

 

 

We get through passport control and all the usual barriers before getting settled on the plane. Niall was traumatised he had to leave his guitar in the general baggage area and warned it better not get a single scratch on it. But the check in lady said he could take it on the plane with him instead of his travel bag. So his travel bag went with the cases and his guitar has stayed with him.  
The only downside on the way back, is that Niall is sat at the front of the plane and I’m at the back as we couldn’t get seats together. Once the lady sat next to Niall has shown her face, I head over and ask if she'll switch with me.

“Why?” she mutters.  
“Oh? Um. We couldn't get seats together and I’d like to sit with my boyfriend. But if you won’t switch fair enough” I stutter.  
“Hmmm. I don’t want to sit next to a gay. But I also don’t want to encourage your relationship. So I’ll stay here. Thanks” she mutters and then puts her headphones in, signalling the end of the conversation.  
“Its okay Haz, when the plane lands, wait to get off and we can leave together” Niall smiles softly from his isle seat.

“Okay babe. I love you” I smile and lean down to kiss his lips. He kisses back straight away and I can feel the rude lady next to Niall roll her eyes, but it just makes us both laugh.

“I love you too"

 

Niall pov

This woman at the side of me, is going to get thrown off the plane. Whilst it’s still in the air! I swear to god she’s so rude! First of all she refuses to switch, then she makes comments about my relationship. Then she keeps elbowing me, but then wiping her elbow like I’m the one touching her and I’m diseased.

“Can you stop elbowing me?” I snap about 20 minutes and 9 elbows into the flight.  
“I don’t know what you mean" she mutters, clearly willing to provoke me but not willing to actually have an argument.

“You're continuously elbowing the poor boy. Leave him be" a blonde haired woman, on the other side of the nasty woman, comments.

“Oh wow. You’re defending a queer"

“Yes I am. Leave the poor boy alone. He’s young enough to be your grandson and you think it's okay to bully him? Well it isn’t” the nice lady argues. The mean lady shuts up and leaves me alone and I smile a thank you at the nice lady.

For the rest of the flight I put in my headphones, start a random playlist and go to sleep.

 

I wake up groggy and ask the air hostess for a bottle of coke that costs me €4.50! I also pay for a hot chocolate and ask her to take it to seat 27a (aka. Harry).  
When I stand up to go to the toilet, half an hour later, he grabs my hand on the way past and smiles as a thank you.

When we land the nerves set in of how big a deal this actually is. I’m meeting Harry’s family!

I’m even more nervous about Harry’s Christmas present. What if he doesn’t like it? What if his mum refuses?

 

 

When we get off the plane, we grab our belongings and head over to meet Anne.  
“Haz I need the loo first” I mumble and he smiles before taking my bag off me and walking me over to the toilet.  
“I couldn’t go on the plane. Claustrophobic” I smile sheepishly and he kisses my head before nodding me in.

 

For some reason my testicle is really itchy and quite sore today, which isn’t ideal and is annoying me a little. But as soon as I drop my pants to go to the toilet, I know why. I’m bleeding. I sigh to myself and wipe myself off with the tissue before peeing, wiping again and washing my hands.

 

“Are you okay? You look pale" Harry comments as I meet him and take my bag back off him.  
“Hm? Oh, yeah I’m fine” I lie. There’s no point ruining his Christmas as well as mine.  
“You’re a rubbish liar. Never go into poker” he jokes before mumbling “Tell me” whilst rubbing the back of my hand with his thumb.

“I’ve- there’s blood in my urine. It could be nothing- but- but that’s how I was diagnosed last time. They said if I pee blood I have to get checked as soon as possible” I tell him quietly, half hoping he doesn’t hear me and we can just ignore this. 

“Okay, well- um- we can get you checked when we're in Cheshire. Dump our stuff and I’ll get you an appointment” he says softly.  
“What if it is?”  
“Hey, try not to worry. We'll cross that bridge if we come to it” he whisper and kisses my lips softly.  
“You don’t have to-"  
“-Don't even finish that sentence. I’m coming with you”  
“I love you”  
“I love you more”

 

We head over and meet Anne not long later, as we don’t want to keep her waiting.  
She’s lovely and immediately welcomes me into her embrace! We get introduced and Anne takes my hand luggage off me so I can pull my suitcase and carry the guitar, as she leads us over to the car.

 

“Mum, do you have the number for the emergency doctors?” Harry asks once we're seated in the car. Harry sat in the back with me and is squeezing my hand.  
“Yeah hunny. I have it at home. Is everything okay?” she asked gently and I feel her flick her eyes up in the rear view mirror to meet Harry’s eyes.

“Yeah fine. I need something checking” he lies and I frown at him. I don’t want him to lie to his mum for me. I especially don’t want his mum to worry about him.  
“Okay hunny. I’ll find the number out for you. So, what have you two been up to?”

“Just the usual. Work, college, work. We’ve been doing on dates at least twice a week though” Harry smiles.  
“I have to say, I never thought I’d see the day where you were in a serious relationship-"  
“- Hey!” Harry mutters, looking rather offended but it just makes me laugh.  
“But! It suits you. I can see you’re both happy and that’s all I want for you” Anne continues.

“What have you been up to mum?”  
“Just the usual. Work, cooking, cleaning haha. Robin and Gemma can’t wait to see you”  
“How is Gemma? Is she still staying Andrew?”  
“No. They broke up. Apparently, he’s been playing away with Jessica" Anne says matter of factly.  
“Jessica James?” Harry frowns.  
“No! Jess Ellis-"  
“- No! And he said Gem didn’t have to worry about her-!”  
“-I know! Just friends my arse" Anne mutters as she turns left.

This is crazy. But I am only getting half a story I guess.

“Okay, so, my sister Gemma has been dating this guy called Andrew for about 2 years. We both hated him, just gives off bad vibes, you know?” Harry explains to me and I nod with a laugh. They both sound like teenage girls!

“Such bad vibes!” Anne adds.  
“And he’s been working on this uni project with this lass called Jessica who-"  
“-James or Ellis?” I but in, I don’t think it makes a difference but I want to feel involved.  
“James. Jess James. So, they’ve been doing this project for ages and it’s always at one of their houses-"  
“-which sets off alarm bells" Anne throws in.

“Big alarm bells! But Gemma is really nice and gives everyone the benefit of the doubt. So she didn’t think anything weird of it. But we did, and she didn’t listen to us. So turns out he was sleeping with Jess James all this time! Gemma finds out and shit goes down. But like, she doesn’t break up with him. Idiot, I know. And we warn her she should. You know? Once a cheat always a cheat. But she loves him and didn’t want to end it. So they stay together.”

“Why- um? Okay" I frown. I don’t understand why she would stay with him, but fair enough. It’s each to their own.  
“Me either! But she did. So what’s this with Jessica Ellis?” Harry comments.  
“Well. Jessica Ellis is apparently Andrews ex and they kept in touch to stay friends but have been sleeping together this whole time!” Anne gasps.  
“Hold on?! So Andrew has been sleeping with; Jessica James, Jessica Ellis and Gemma?” I frown even deeper.

“Yes! She’s got rid of Andrew now and I can’t blame her!” Anne fills in.  
“So how’s she’s doing? Is she okay?” I ask quietly.  
“Yeah hunny! She’s fine. This was about 5 months ago so she’s over it. She’s actually dating this new guy called Michael, he seems nice”  
“No alarm bells?” Harry checks.  
“Non from me. You’ll have to let me know if you get any” Anne replies as she pulls into the drive. 

 

 

First observation: This house is huge!  
Second observation: Everyone else has got out if the car and I’m sat staring at the house.

“Come on babe” Harry smiles as he opens the car door for me.

 

We dump all of our stuff in the hallway before trekking it up to Harry’s room and abandoning it there. Luckily Harry has a double bed, meaning we can still spread out for the next week.   
“Harry love, I’ve found that number out for you. Are you decent?” Anne calls through the door and Harry shouts a yeah.  
We are. We’re both just unpacking our suitcases in Harry’s room.

“Here love" Anne smiles.  
“Thanks mum”  
“Let me know if you want a lift there”  
“Oh yeah! That would be great. Thanks” Harry grins.

Anne leaves the room after telling us that Robin and Gemma are at work and will be back in a few hours.

“Hi, can I have an emergency appointment for a UK / Irish citizen? Oh hi Emily! Yeah it’s Harry. Just got back now. Good thank you, how have you been? That’s great and how's your mum doing? Oh that’s great news! Yeah. Yeah hahaha. Erm, Can I book an appointment for my boyfriend please? Yeah, it’s Niall Horan. Yeah of course. N I A L L. And then H O R A N. 13 September 1993. Usually based in London. Yeah. He's been bleeding from his penis and had been told to get it checked as soon as possible, due to a previous cancer diagnosis. Yeah. Yeah. As soon as you can. 20 minutes? Perfect! Thank you so much. Yeah, no problem Emily, see you soon. Bye" Harry says to the lady (Emily) on the phone. I’m assuming he knows her based on the conversation they’ve just had.

“Your appointment is in 20 minutes. And don’t worry! That was just Emily, we went to school together”  
“I’m not worried. I trust you and you’re allowed friends. Just not Jessica Ellis or Jessica James” I smirk.

“I wouldn’t want them as friends! Come on babe. We should get going. It’s a 15 minute drive. MUM! The appointments 20 minutes! Can you drop us off?” harry hollers to his mother.

“Yeah! We best go now then” Anne calls back.

Harry and Anne talk to me the whole way there and I know Anne knows the appointment is for me and not Harry. She doesn’t say anything though. I appreciate them talking to me and the distraction it provides for my brain.

Anne says she’s heading to Tesco for some bits and will pop back, in about half an hour, when done.

 

But, as soon as we arrive at the doctors, I’m terrified. I feel nauseous and my palms are sweaty and my heart is pounding.

 

“Hey. I've got you” Harry says gently as I completely freeze outside the doctors.  
“For how long?” I laugh but there’s no humour to it.  
“For always. I love you and no matter what the results are from here, I’ve got you. And I’m going no where” he says firmly.

“I’m scared Harry. I can’t do this again” I whisper and I can feel myself staring with a panic attack.

 

“You may not have to. It might be nothing or a cyst or something. Let’s see what’s happening before you get too panicked”

“Tell me that you’ve got me and you’re never gonna leave” I whisper.

 

“I have got you. And I’m going no where. You Niall Horan, are a flower and despite been walked over many times, you haven't lost the colours of your petals. I've got you and you’ve got this.” Harry says kindly but firmly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any ideas on where to take this?!?!


	9. Chapter 9

Niall pov

I'm addicted to the way he makes my feel. Not sexually, but the way he makes my heart beat faster in my chest when I see him and the way I get tongue tied around him, making me unable to form coherent sentences.

My heart stops the minute the doctor confirms my biggest fear. The cancer is back and this time, I don’t know if I’m strong enough to beat it.

“Niall? Niall? Niall? NIALL!?”  
“Sorry. I zoned out” I mumble.  
“That’s understandable. Niall, are you happy for me to discuss the next steps, with you, with Harry in the room?”  
“Um- I- I want Louis" I whisper. I feel awful not wanting Harry, but Louis was there for me the first time round and-and I know I wouldn’t have made had he not been.  
“Okay babe- I’ll ring him, yeah?”  
“No. Let me" I sigh. Harry squeezes my hand lightly and I smile sadly at him before standing up and leaving the room. I find the nearest bathroom and have barely locked the door before I’m sliding down it to the floor with tears streaming down my face.

It takes me 12 minutes before I can even think about calling him.

 

Louis pov

“C’mon Lottie, let’s go!” I holler up the stairs. I’m supposed to be taking the girls out for ice cream, with mum meeting us there, but Lottie is taking forever with her hair!  
“I’m coming!”  
“Some time today would be nice!”  
“Shut up and keep your knickers on. I’m here” she glares as she stomps down the stairs.  
“About time” I mutter. I glance at her hair and frown. It doesn’t look any different to how it did 20 minutes ago. I don’t say anything though.

This visit has been amazing. I love seeing my family. The girls are as lively as ever but it’s my mum I love seeing more. She’s literally my world. I’m pulled out of my trance by mum shaking my arm and saying my phone’s ringing.

“Oh, sorry. Haha. Zoned out. Oh? It’s Nialler” I mumble, wondering why he’s calling me whilst he’s supposed to be in Cheshire with Harry.

“I need to take this mum. 2 minutes” I mumble and she nods with a smile. She’s always had a soft spot for Niall.

I get up from the table and head outside, thankful it’s sunny for a change.  
“Hey, Niall. What’s up?”  
“S-sorry. Are you busy?” he mumbles and I know for a fact that he’s crying.  
“No babe. Just out with the family for ice cream. What’s up buddy?” I say softly.  
“I’ve- they’ve- it’s back. The cancer. They’ve found a lump and- and- and I can’t- I can't do this again Louis” he full on sobs his heart out over the phone to me. Tears steaming down his face and mine isn’t looking any better. And my heart physically hurts. My best friend will have to battle cancer again and I can’t help him. I’m not there!

“W-what do you mean it’s back babe?” I whisper, terrified for the answer.  
“I’m at and emergency doctors. I’ve- I’ve been bleeding from my- um- down there and I’ve come to get it checked and- and there’s a lump”  
“Okay babe, what’s the doctor said? What has she said exactly??” I ask quietly.  
“It needs removing to test for cancerous cells. If it comes back positive, I have to have chemotherapy and radiotherapy again”  
“Okay babe. You need to have the removal surgery then, yeah? It might not be cancer. It might be nothing and you may not need chemo and radiotherapy” I say, trying to cheer him up a little.  
“Yeah. I don’t want to though. I’ve already lost one, I don’t wanna lose the other ball too!” he blubbers at me.  
“I know babe. But it’s to keep you alive. Yeah? I don’t want to lose you. And if your testicles are the price to pay, for keeping you alive, then they can have them” I say as firmly (but softly) as I can.  
“I’m scared”  
“I know. I know you are babe! And you have every right to be, okay? But I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere I- you know what, where are you? Cheshire?”  
“Yeah why?”  
“I can drive there in 2 hours. I’ll see you soon babe. Okay? You keep strong for me Nialler. I’ll be there soon"

“I love you”  
“I love you babe. I’ll see you soon"

 

After ending the phone call with Niall, I go see my family and explain, briefly, that Nialls hurt and I need to go be with him. I tell mum everything, of course, when the girls are out of ear shot.  
We quickly head home and both mum and myself rush to throw some clothes in a bag. Mum then offers, and won’t take no as an answer, to drive me to Cheshire, quickly dumping the girls at our grandmas on the way.

I call Bobby on the way and inform him of what’s happening and he promises to be on the first flight from Ireland.

 

It’s a long 2 hours. I cry the whole way there. Absolutely terrified that my friend is going to have to face cancer AGAIN!

“He’s strong. You’ll see love, he’ll make it"  
“What if he doesn’t? What if the cancer is too strong this time?”  
“Then we’ll cross that bridge when and if we get to it. He’s a strong young man and he has so many people, who love him, around him. If there’s one thing I know about Niall Horan, it’s this: he’s not going down without a fight”.

We arrive at the hospital just over 2 hours later and I’m thankful Niall sent me the address for it, so we could find it easier.

“Hi! Niall Horan?” I rush at the desk clerk.  
“And you are?”  
“Louis. I’m his brother”  
“I thought Niall was Irish?” she frowns.  
“He is. Niall lives with his dad in Ireland and Louis lives with me in Doncaster" mum pipes up, following the same routine we’ve used every time Niall has been in hospital.  
“Ah! Okay. Right this way" she smiles and leads us doe n a long corridor and into a side room.

“Nialler!! How are you doing bro?? What have the doctors said??” I ask frantically as soon as I see him. I run into the room and pull him into the tightest cuddle I can manage.

“I’m scared Louis”  
“I know babe. I know. But I’m here. I’m right here”  
“I don’t want to lose the other one" he begs and pleades and my heart shatters.  
“I know. But babe it’s not a big deal, okay?”  
“I won’t be able to have kids" he mutters into my neck. I hold his face into my neck and lightly run my fingers through his hair. I know how much he wants kids. He wants the more than anything.

“You can adopt-"  
“- It's not the same! I want to be able to biologically create a child”.

“Are there any other side effects?” I ask him and he refuses to answer to I redirect my question to the doctor.

“There are a few. However, I can’t disclose them unless Niall consents to you knowing-"  
“-I consent” Niall grumbles into my neck and pulls me even closer to him so I’m practically laid on the bed with him. I sit on the bed and Niall lays his head in the crook of my neck, chest over my chest and hands clinging to my shirt like it’s the only thing keeping him alive.

“Well, as you know, Niall would be losing his only testicle left, which can cause some issues. The things that will definatly change are: He won’t be able to biologically create a child, either the natural way or through other forms such as IVF. His sexual drive will decrease significantly, if not completely and should the rare occasion arise where he is, shall we say, in the mood, he will really struggle to become erect. If he does, it won't stay like that for very long and, due to having no testicles, he won’t be able to have an orgasms"

“Okay, right. Okay babe. It’s not that bad-"  
“-For you maybe! I love being intimate and- and intimacy with Harry is amazing! I don’t- I don’t want to die a virgin”  
“You're not going to die from this Niall" I say firmly.  
“No, but even if I don’t, I won’t have a sex drive. After this, I won’t want to have sex with him!” he cries.

Ah.

Now I see the problem.

 

“Well, when is the operation?” I frown.  
“Three days. 2 days before Christmas!” he pouts into my neck.  
“Well, maybe you could- you know? Get jiggy with him before the op?? Look, I know it’s not ideal. I know you wanted to spend so much time with him, learning his body, becoming one with each other, but that might not be an option. Maybe you should both just have the next few days of fun and see what happens after the operation?”

The nurse chokes on air and has to excuse herself from the room to calm down.

“I don’t want to lose him"  
“You won’t. I’m not going anywhere Niall. Regardless of the results” Harry says softly from where he’s sat on Nialls other side, holding his hand.  
“I love you”  
“I love you Niall”

“Have you given him his Christmas present yet?” I smile at Niall. I know what it is. Of course I do. I was there when he got it.  
“Not yet. It’s not Christmas” he mutters.

 

It’s a long procedure. I'm tired. Harry is tired. Bobby is tired when he arrives. Mum has gone back to Doncaster and Harry's mum has come to the hospital. She’s also tired.

“Family of Niall Horan?” a doctor comes out and calls us 3 hours later.  
“Yeah! I’m his brother” I call straight away, standing up and practically running to the doctor. The others startle from their half asleep states and grumble at me before waking up properly and joining me to speak to the doctor.

“So, the operation has been as successful as it could have been. We have removed the testicle and have tested it for cancerous cells"  
“And? Is it- is it cancer?” Bobby whispers.  
“It is” he sighs and we all externally cry and exhale and sigh.

I feel sick and my hands are sweaty and I can’t breathe and my best friend is potentially dying. AGAIN!

“However, there are only small traces in Nialls body. The majority of it was removed with the testicle”  
“So what does that mean? In terms of Niall?” I frown.  
“He will need chemotherapy to remove the last traces of the cancer, but, he shouldn’t need radiotherapy. It is, however, dependant on how his body reacts to the chemo.”

“Thank you, doctor” Bobby whispers and shakes the man’s hand.  
“Can we see him?” Harry asks softly.  
“Of course, right this way. He will still be a little groggy as he’s still coming round from the aesthetic.”  
“Okay" Harry smiles at me gently.

“We’ve got him" I reassure him and squeeze his hand.

 

Niall looks tired. He looks pale and small and vulnerable. But he’s awake. He’s awake and smiling tiredly at us all, and beconing us in with a little arm wave.

“Hey babe! How are you?” Harry rushes out as we head over. He sits next to Nialls bed with me and our parents sit on the other side.  
“Tired. Sore. Start chemotherapy tomorrow” he mumbles half incoherent due to the sleep in his voice.  
“Oh, wow. That’s- um- soon"  
“Yeah. Said I need three sessions to start with but might not need anymore”  
“Okay babe. Well, we're all right here” Harry smiles and kisses Niall’s head.  
“Lou? Can I take to you? Alone? Jus' for a minute”  
“Of course” I frown.

The others make themselves scarce by offering to get some drinks.

“What’s up babe?”  
“I’m not asking him. I don’t want him to say yes because of the cancer-"  
“-Niall-"  
“- No Louis. I’m not asking him. I guess it’s not in the cards for us. I'm not putting him through this again. I’m really not"  
“Doesn’t he get a say in this?”  
“No. I guess we just weren’t meant to be. Clearly wasn’t written in the stars" he mutters before turning his head away from me, signalling the end of the conversation.  
“Okay babe. Get some rest, yeah?” I smile gently and kiss his head. He hums lightly and I know he’s already pretty much asleep.

 

“Harry. There’s something you need to do" is the first thing I say when I leave Nialls room and see everyone sat on the chairs waiting for us to finish.

“What? Is Niall okay?”  
“He doesn’t want to put you through this and is going to break up with you-"  
“-What-"  
“-Shhhhhh! He’s going to break up with you. But I know he doesn’t want to. He loves you so much- his Christmas present was- he was going to ask you to marry him"  
“W-what? Yes! A million times, yes I would marry him!”

“You need to find a way to convince him it’s in the stars for you two to be together”  
“Why? Why does it have to be in the stars?” he frowns.  
“Because Niall thinks it’s not fate for you two to be together!”  
“Why don’t we just rewrite the stars then? If they’re being lame and keeping us apart?”  
“You could?” I frown. I don’t know how he’s going to get that into Nialls head.

“Can you play the piano?”  
“Yeah why?”

 

Niall pov  
It’s a few hours later when I wake up feeling better that h-harry pauses my trail of thought to get something out of the room. Louis follows him.

“Hey babe- so please hear me out before you speak? Louis told me you’re going to break up with me and why and- and I won’t let you-"  
“-Harry-"  
“-No. Please just hear me out?” he whispers and against my better judgement, I agree.

Louis comes in with a keyboard and I frown even more.

“You know I want you. It's not a secret I try to hide. I know you want me. So don't keep saying our hands are tied" Harry stars singing and then Louis joins in, after the first part, with the keyboard.

“You claim it's not in the cards, fate is pulling you miles away, and out of reach from me. But you're here in my heart, so who can stop me if I decide, that you're my destiny?  
What if we rewrite the stars? Say you were made to be mine, nothing could keep us apart. You'd be the one I was meant to find! It's up to you, and it's up to me, no one can say what we get to be. So why don't we rewrite the stars? Maybe the world could be ours, tonight”

“Harry-"  
“-Wait! I’ve got you a job now. Sing this for me" he smiles and hands me a piece of paper. I glance at him skeptically, but his little face makes me start to quietly sing.  
“You think it's easy? You think I don't want to run to you? But there are mountains. And there are doors that we can't walk through. I know you're wondering why, because we're able to be, just you and me within these walls. But when we go outside you're going to wake up and see that it was hopeless after all” I sing softly and then get into the chorus a little more. Because he’s done it. Hess captured how I feel exactly.  
“No one can rewrite the stars. How can you say you'll be mine? Everything keeps us apart. And I'm not the one you were meant to find. It's not up to you. It's not up to me, when everyone tells us what we can be. How can we rewrite the stars? Say that the world can be ours, tonight”  
“All I want is to fly with you. All I want is to fall with you. So just give me all of you” Harry sings.  
“It feels impossible. Is it impossible?” I don’t sing. I sigh instead.  
“Say that it's possible. How do we rewrite the stars? Say you were made to be mine? Nothing can keep us apart. 'Cause you are the one I was meant to find! It's up to you and it's up to me. No one can say what we get to be. Why don't we rewrite the stars? Changing the world to be ours” he finishes the song and I smile sadly at him.

“I want you- I- I’m trying to protect you”  
“I don’t need protecting from you”  
“I just need you”  
“I need you too" I smile.

“Now I believe you had something to ask me for Christmas? But I think now, would be a lovely moment to do it"   
“I don’t have the-"  
“-Here” Louis grins and hands me the small box.  
“Thanks- um- one sec” I stutter. If I’m going to do this- I’m doing it right!

I carefully pull back the duvet and shuffle to the edge of the bed.

“Niall stay in bed!”  
“I’m doing this properly, Harry” I say firmly and he nods but frowns.  
Louis helps me get down on one knee and I nervously ask him, possibly the biggest question of my life.

“Will you, Harry Edward Styles, marry me?” why am i so nervous?? Surely he’ll say yes. Oh god. What if he says no?!? What then? Oh god. Stupid idea. Why did I think this was a good idea?

“I will. I will a million times over!” he grins and I carefully slide the ring on his finger with shaky hands. He leans down and kisses me on the lips and I smile at him before asking to stand up, as my knee hurts.

Harry laughs and both he and Louis help me up and back into bed.

“So, soon to be Niall styles, what’s the next plan on the agenda?’

“Let’s wing it. As long as I have you, I don’t care"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Opinions????
> 
> Thanks for reading! :D


End file.
